Sunday, August 23, 2009


"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do." Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear. I hate it. Most of the time I don't even know why I am afraid.

Like these past few days. We we're getting ready to go away. I want to go. The place we picked is beautiful - it's up north in the mountains - a fun place with lakes, sports, cool shops, tons of fun. But I'm afraid to leave home. I'm driving myself crazy. Want to go - don't want to go - want to go - have to go. Kids are excited.

What's wrong with me?
This happens so often. Before we went to disney last January, I agonized about going for weeks. Everyone was excited but I had this overwhelming fear. I dreaded going. We went. It was great fun.

It's weird. I think I'm afraid to leave home. Fear is just as bad as shame. It cripples and it clouds my thinking.

I'm going in spite of the fear. I'm going because I know it's a good thing and I can't disappoint my girls.

Someone once told me fear is the opposite of faith. I think that's true. When I think of fear and faith, I think of them being similiar to a positive and negative magnet. When you try to bring them together they repel each other.

I can't live in fear and faith at the same time. I am so tired of being afriad. I choose faith. Even if my stomach is filled with crazy butterflies - I choose to trust. I choose to go.


Denise said...

Amen, I am so proud of you, and very happy for you. Always choose to let faith open the door when fear knocks sweetie. Enjoy your time away.

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

Someone (don't remember who it was) once said that courage is not lack of fear. Courage is deciding to act in spite of fear. Courage, my friend!

Patricia Singleton said...

Every time I face fear, it becomes smaller and not so intense as it used to be. I fear change the most. Like you about leaving home, I feel that way about most changes when I first learn about them. Big or small change, I react the same until I tell myself that it is ok to be afraid and do it any way. That is courage. You can do it. In spite of the fear, have a wonderful time. Don't let fear win, finally it will quit showing up.

Just Be Real said...

Dear one I hear you. I used to even have panic attacks up to 15 to 20 years ago when I would have to go someplace that everyone else was excited about, but I. Many trips, even a mission trip I just could not go on because of fear of the unknown or the irrational fears that I would put in my mind. I have improved in this area, but it takes time and like you said, "faith" needs to replace this. But, Sarah, I so hear you with the sick to the stomach. I would make myself sick over something that was not worth it. Even a trip to the museum. Sad, but I am glad I have improved in this area. I pray for you to be set free here. Thank you so much for sharing!!

Blessings and ((((Sarah))))

Paula said...

Sarah, you are a survivor, a winner, youw ent through so much and it took plenty of courage. Well, courage doesnt conquer fear but it sshows that there is something more important then fear. YOU

Have a brillant time. Hugs across the pond

Epiphany said...

Sometimes, and this is one of those times, I just SO wish we were closer so that I could give you the biggest hug possible, and that we could sob on each others shoulders, and just "be".

And God would be there hugging us too.

I sent you an email too, just to tell you I've been thinking of you.


Andrea said...

Sarah, Do NOT allow satan to steal your joy. GOD has and is continuing to heal your heart from your past. Remember: "the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10

Blessings and prayers, andrea

PS: you, sweet one have an award at arise 2 write

RCUBEs said...

Fear is not from the Lord. The enemy always wants to seek, kill and destroy. Like at that time, kill your joy. I'm glad you chose to overcome...By His grace you can! God bless.

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Sarah,
You post has touched me because I identify so much with the fear that you write about and I hear some of the weariness behind the brave words you write.
I'm so sorry tht you suffer this terrible fear (agoraphobia stuff) so badly. I know how utterly terrifying it is for you to think about going away.
Please know that I will have you on my mind and that I will pray for faith over fear. It's something I personally find very, very difficult, but I admire your determination so much.
Go very gently. It is a huge feat to force yourself to overcome something that has kept you in terror forso long. I hope you can be kind to yourself.
Thinking of you.

Terri Tiffany said...

I hope you had an amazing time!!! I fight fear so often too and it can cripple us from doing what we should be doing. But we all fight it--a never ending battle--but we can win:)

Wanda's Wings said...

I do so understand the fear of leaving the house. Hear is something a pastor gave me once.


It helps some times.

speck of dust said...

I'm exactly the same and oh how I've suffered. Never being able to have a 'normal' holiday. I learned in therapy this past year (in a state of fear every single time) that I have nothing to be afraid of. Nothing. You have nothing to be afraid of. All is well. I will be thinking of you and the wonderful holiday you will have X

Lori Laws said...

Hi Sarah,
The last couple sentences of your post are great! "I choose faith. Even if my stomach is filled with crazy butterflies - I choose to trust. I choose to go."

And yes, fear is the opposite of faith.

God bless!

Ardy said...

Fear is of the Lord. May God embrace you in His emancipating love. Be praying for you.

Your friend from the Philippines,


Angela said...

FEAR: False Evidence Appearing Real.

I used to get like this ALL the time. The panic would start to come. I wanted to stay home.

Yes, I looked forward to going, but to get OUT and get there was almost crippling.

My 2009 scripture is from Joshua 1:9

Have I NOT commanded you! Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid nor terrified. For I am the Lord Your God and I will be with you WHEREVER you go....

I love the part, have I not commanded you. Like God is telling me, DON'T be afraid Angela, do not bow down to the fear. I'm right here with you. You can do this!!

Donetta said...

Every emotion has a gift
the gift of fear is wisdom it teaches us.
There is the fear that is dark and evil it takes our wisom and commits us to a type of prison all it's own.

The skill comes in this.
Knowing where the fear is coming from. Addressing it appropriately.
If it is a Godly fear learn and correct course

If it is the thief ...rebuke him and tell him the what for.

Nature arbors a vacuum if fear is not replaced by faith and wisdom it will just come back and fill that swept space.

agnitrisha said...

its alright to be afraid of changes, we all feel a little tensed when we are going out for a trip.. which is out of routine, just dont let the fear overtake the happiness.. let it be.

Charlotte said...

I can relate to this. I have had the same problem, perhaps to a lesser degree. When I find myself thinking this way, I do a lot of praying and that helps. I think you are doing the right thing by going ahead and facing your fear and not giving in to it.
Thank you for sharing with us. I think if we are all truthful we all have these feelings to some degree. I think just talking about it helps.

nannykim said...

I think we all struggle with different kinds of fear. In my prayer time I always pray that I would fear God more than I fear man. I need to always remind myself of the proper fear of God that puts Him above everything else in life.