Thursday, February 17, 2011


"I don't want my past to become anyone else's future." Elie Wiesel

My fourteen yr. old came home from school....told me she's learning self-defense. The school's teaching the girls how to fight....what to do if they're ever to protect to get free. 

I listened to my tree-loving gentle wouldn't hurt a fly child - She went into great detail about some of the techniques she's already learned ....various moves...which body parts to go for......and the instructor's encouragment to not be afraid to bite, kick, scratch and scream.  She spoke fast....her voice excited....animated.... but then she hesitated....her face flushed....her eyes held that hint of shyness... 

I thought of myself at fourteen....fighting to survive....using my instincts..... fueled by fear and hatred that gave me the strength I needed to fight back...

I never want my dgt. to feel what I felt....I never want her to know fear the way I knew it or the hatred or look in someone's eyes and see the evil that can live in a human being.....  

It's freaky Ma, The instructor's gonna jump us.....we have to do whatever we can to get free. Her voice was soft.
You afraid? I asked. 
She climbed on my lap....put her head on my shoulder. Maybe
It's okay to be afraid.  I stroked her hair. 

I silently prayed....that no one would ever hurt her for real.  I'm trusting He'll protect her....keep her safe and because I love her and my other daughter....I've finally chosen to tell what happened to make a the hope that my past will never become anyone else's future.


Austin said...

So now there's reading, writing and self defense? My goodness the world has changed.

Sharon Kirby said...

Sarah - Oh my. You continue to amaze me. "I've finally chosen to tell what happened to me."

That is an amazing statement of courage. I applaud it - and yet, I know how difficult this will be. I will be praying for you.

You will make a difference, Sarah - you are making one already.


Mary said...

I sweetie, just wanted to stop by and give you a hug...

you are such a good Mom, you do know that don't you?? you are!!

NOS said...

I really like that Elie Wiesel quote. It perfectly verbalizes how I feel. If I were more comfortable talking about my eating disorder I would tell everyone I know not to start dabbling in one because it ruins lives. Alas, I can only do that through my blog.

You're an excellent mother, the way you care for and communicate with your daughter. That's so very clear.

Wishing you well,

Patrina's Pencil said...

....."I've finally chosen to tell what happened to make a the hope that my past will never become anyone else's future."

I hope that too, Sarah. Amen!!

You are a tender mom. I praise God for you and your beautiful girls.

Patrina <")>><

Finally Free said...

Dear Sarah,
I hope your daughter never needs to use those skills either.


lori said...

wow, brought tears to my eyes.

Mya said...

I hope all the lessons stick with her, and she will remember to do 'whatever she can to get free.'
Yall have an open of the best things you can give her.

CRY said...

Its funny how they will teach this then tell the kids (at my daughters school at least) not to fight back.

Lady Rose said...


That self-defense class that your daughter is taking in school sounds scary to me too! I'm glad that she has a mother she can talk too if she gets worried about things.

I say a silent prayer as well, that no one will hurt her either.

You're a good Mom! :)

-Lady Rose

MTJ said...

Hi Sarah,

I believe it's good to acknowledge my fears, but I will not allow my fears to control me.

As a parent, we never want our child to feel the hurts that we experienced; that's love. Trusting the grace of God to lead, guide, and protect them; that's love too.

Blessings and peace.


Epiphany said...

I hope telling her has helped both of you. xx

Lynda Young said...

Trusting God is the perfect place to be

Susannah said...

I think that's wonderful that they're teaching kids self-defence. If they did that in every school there could be a real change for a lot of people's lives!

My Big Secret Blog :) said...

This gave me goose-flesh from head to toe. Bless the little girl. Amen.

Crown of Beauty said...

It's good you're there to help her understand that this is reality... that there can be big bad wolves in sheep's clothing in the streets. She feels it's freaky - because we were not designed for fear or violence. I pray the self-defense class prepares her for any possibilities, and that it will give her inner confidence, not fear.

In retelling your story, it can be a redemptive act. You can give a hindsight perspective.

Your daughters are blessed because of your painful past. It can continue to be redeemed in their lives. Awesome, Nikki.


Wonderingsoul said...

You do make a difference Sarah.
You telling your story has been an incredible inspiration to so many.
More than that, your understanding, listening, warmth and words to ME have given me such comfort... and they continue to do so at a time when I teeter so dangerously between terror and hope.

Your daughters are beautiful and you have given them so, so much.
They will never have to face the agonies that you have, precisely BECAUSE you have.
I too pray that they never know the danger that would make self defense a necessity... but I think it's great that they are taught it.

So much respect and gratitude to you,


Starry Dawn said...

Dear Sarah,
I agree with you.
My grandson is also a great Martial Arts performer.
He knows how to defend himself.
He will be black belt in one year from now.
Your daughter is learning how to defend herself, and that is great.
God bless you, Sarah, your children and loved ones!!
Wonderful blogs you have written, sweet Sarah!!
You have so many followers, dear.
In God's Garden,


Julie Musil said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. We want so much to protect our children, and especially when you've lived through such trauma.

You might not believe me, but I thought about you while I was in church today. The pastor talked about reaching out, not hiding behind our pain, and using it to help others. You've given a gift to so many people.

Deborah Ann said...

I think it's wonderful that they're teaching self defense in school! I always tell my grandkids...if someone grabs you and tries to hurt you or take you...scream at the top of your lungs! I worry that some kids just get taken...quietly. They don't know that the person hurting them isn't allowed to do that.

I think it was on Dateline or 20/20where a robber came into a bank and after he got his money he tried to take a girl as his hostage. She just sat on the floor and refused to budge. Later she found out that he was a killer as well as a robber. Had she allowed him to take her, she wouldn't be alive today.

It's too bad we live in a world like this...where we have to teach our kids not to trust strangers. But we need to survive...

I really like the way you wrote your conversation with your daughter. I'm thinking...another book in your future?

Yolanda said...

Wow Sarah - I don't have many words - but I am praying with you that your daughters won't ever have to use these skills for real. I trust your sharing your experience has brought you and your daughters to another level of closeness and continued healing. You are an amazing woman! Thanks for being so transparent! God Bless!

Paula & Skip said...

Dearest, I remember the post in which you shared how much you fear telling her. Another milestone on your road. I am so very proud of you. I hope the telling has set you free

Patti Hanan said...

Your love for your daughters will make such a difference in their lives. They are blessed by your love and protection. God bless you.

Margie said...

Sarah, bless you!
You are truly a wonderful mom!

Margie x

Chatty Crone said...

Your daughter will never feel what you felt - you have made sure of that. PRAISE GOD. IT's good to know self defense though.

I looked at your You Tube and it was awesome - you said to beware of someone who says good is bad and bad is good. Charles Manson broke his 20 years of silense this morning and that is exactly what he said.