Home

"I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself." Maya Angelou

The week away was fun....but the last couple of days....all I wanted was to go home. When we drove into our driveway I felt relief. And when we opened the door and stepped inside.....I breathed....a deep breath. Being home felt so good.  I walked into every room....looked at all our things....still there...in the same places...untouched...unchanged. Their presence calming...comforting...soothing.

Home....a word that holds so much meaning.
Home....familiar...reasuring....safe. 
At home...in my house - I belong....I feel safe. I'm not afraid. 

For a long time I had this terrible ache...deep inside....a cry...'I want to go home. I just want to go home.' I had no home to go to. No family where I belonged. No safe place where I could kick back...let go...and catch a breathe from life. All I knew was how to fight to survive.....to make it from one day to the next on my own...alone...on the streets....everything always changing... places...people....things. Even now sometimes I feel a need to fight. I have to consciously tell myself that need doesn't exist anymore. It's gone.

Home....it's more than just bricks and morter. It's a sense of belonging to myself....being comfortable in my own skin. I never did. I walked around detached...separate from myself.  I believed anyone had the right to do anything they wanted to me or to my body.  My body wasn't mine. I felt awkward in it...as if it didn't fit quite right..

Coming home to me has been a long hard journey. I couldn't stop from falling further and further away from myself.....and deeper into the darkness....not until He touched me....made a difference... showed that I do belong...that I am loved.

"There's no place like home." Dorothy, Wizard of Oz