Seeing all those people made me wonder how God can keep track of all of us...And I don't like crowds. I'm also not into shopping - I went for the kids. My oldest had wanted to go for a long time. Two things made the trip worth it for me. ...Visiting Mother Hale House in Harlem. Since my girls were little, I've told them about Mother Clara Hale. This single mother of two took in aids affected and drug addicted babies born to the prostitutes in Harlem. She set up mirrors around her house and would stand the children in front of them and say, 'you see that little black body - that is the most precious, most beautiful gift God created.....' Mother Hale did this when aids was considered like leporsy and she did it without government help. Many of those children who survived went on to university.
On the last evening we strolled down 5th Avenue where the weatlhiest shops are. We came across a woman sitting against a pole amidst the bustling shoppers, begging. I wanted to reach out to her, to make a difference in her world, but my kids were with me and they have no idea what I lived. I did talk with her though - and made her smile -
Driving home from New York, I thought about Mother Hale and that beggar on the street. I thought about why I decided to tell my story.....If I would have had a copy of my book with me, I would have given it to that young woman - for her to know - her life is valuable, her life is a gift. I wrote my story for her.
I know what's it's like to live as a beggar in the world - taking life's crumbs. I lived believing I had no right to exist, no right to be in the world - accepting what my parents told me - that I was garbage, worthless - letting professionals define me with their labels and the sick perverted people who used me for their own purposes characterize my worthlessness - I never knew I had any worth. I didn't know He made me a gift - I didn't know I had value and purpose. I spent a long time not knowing, not getting it. I let others define me - but then He touched me. I still don't know how He did it - But somehow He showed me - I had worth - that I had lived in decpetion, trusting in lies.
He let me live - Somehow he kept me - didn't let me die in the darkness. I live with tremendous gratitude. I still struggle in areas, but I'm not where I was. I want my life to give hope, to show truth - to make a difference so others living their lives in deception will come to know the truth about who they really are -
