I couldn't stand to be looked at.....I hated to be seen. Whenever someone looked in my eyes I thought they could see in them what I knew...that I was...stupid....garbage... worthless....all those things I had been told. I kept thinking I needed to change...to be more like someone else or at least the way others told me I should be....
Funny thing about lies....they sound and feel so much like truth. My girls are very different from each other...the way they move in the world....the things they like....the way they approach things....In my eyes though.....both of them are perfect just the way they are.
When I had my youngest, my oldest was four. One night as I was putting her to bed, I asked her....Are you jealous of the baby? I've never forgotten her answer.
No. She said. She's the best girl she is and I'm the best me I am.
I was blown away by her words. I still am. Her amazing insight helped me to begin accepting the truth that I didn't need to be anybody but me....no more twisting to fit someone else's idea or expectations of who, what or how I should be....
I love the differences in my girls. I love that they see and do things unique to them. It's what makes our life together pretty fun.
Being a mom....loving my kids - the good things about them and even the not so good things....has taught me He's made everyone unique and perfectly perfect the way we are. That means me too. It's the quirks....those little things that drive us.....the flaws....those traits....and habits I hated about me - now I see they're just a part of who I am.
Watching my kids.....loving them for who they are...has helped me challenge those lies I carried....lies that insisted I wasn't good enough. I've learned...being perfect means being flawed....it's part of the beauty of who we are.
