"The first question which the priest and the Levite asked: If I stop to help this man, what will happen to me?" But the good Samaritan reversed the question: If I do not stop to help this man, what will happen to him?" Martin Luther King, Jr.
I've decided to tell the truth of what happened, - all of it. Although I still sometimes wonder if it happened or if I am making something more of it than it really was - But the pictures in my head are vivid and clear. Pictures of living on the street, crouched in dark corners shooting up, trapped and held in a house for six months and raped, punched until my spleen ruptured and .......
The scars are still there. Vi sable scars that tell me it really did happen.
The shame I carried for so long, the shame that silenced me, kept me quiet - unable to talk, unable to tell - that shame is losing it's power.
I think maybe my story can help someone overcome their demons. Maybe, it can help even one person find freedom and peace.
For years I said nothing. I wanted to forget, except I never really forgot. The flashbacks, the panic attacks, the need to hurt myself.....all reminders of what took place.
When I started writing last year, I never imagined I would want to show anyone what I wrote. Now I can't imagine not.
A few months ago, I met a writer. She read the first three chapters of the book I'm writing. She said, "you need to tell what happened. Your story needs to be told." Now she's editing the whole thing. And God amazingly led me to someone else. Someone who has become a close friend, someone who has never gone through what I did but who keeps telling me my story needs to be told.
I want to tell. I struggle thinking about everyone in my life knowing the awful details but my desire to help give hope to someone in a situation I was in, compels me to pray, "God use what I lived. Give me courage to tell."
8 comments:
they are right in what they are telling you. your story needs to be told for people like me, who wish more than anything to , to relate to others. that is one part of my life few understand. between living in a parking ramp, selling myself, and of course the needle, it is a good feeling to know that someome one esle has been there. lj
GOD bless you for being a willing, living vessel for HIS use to help others. Though the journey may be difficult it will be fruitful for both you and many others. Telling your story and helping others will contiue the healing process within your very being, as well.
Blessings and prayers,andrea
God allows us to go through so many things so that someday we can share how he worked in our lives to others. The telling will be hard--some people won't want to hear and that's ok--but there will be that one who needs to. ANd what a blessing when you realize how much your story means and changes a life.
Don't ever believe the devil when he tells you that it may not have happened as you remembered or that it's not real.
xx
I think that's fantastic. I'm just beginning to realize the power that shame has to restrict us when we abide by its rules. And fear, usually of rejection, is how the power manifests.
But if we die to that fear and commit ourselves to go forward anyway, we can be free. A lot of people won't like it, but that's the cost of freedom.
I'm making a few decisions myself.
Be blessed.
p.
Hi Sarah, I am so glad you found my blog, because it led me to you! This is a wonderful blog!
"God use what I lived. Give me courage to tell."...yes, the same thing with me. God used a woman whom I never met before, to tell me that a book is 'all over me.' She urgently told me that I must write down how I came to God, and how I am serving Him today. My memoir is a story of who I used to be, and who I am now.
I think I'm adding you to my blog list! God bless you Sarah!
You are a brave warrior .
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