Tuesday, August 11, 2009

I'll do Anything God

"Each has his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart and his friends can only read the title." Virginia Woolf

I told God I would do anything for Him. I told Him there is nothing I wouldn't do. Nothing at all. He freed me. He broke the hold of all those things that were killing me. I almost died. Not once. Many times. But He wouldn't let me die.

I had a thing for heights. I used to shoot up and then climb to the rooftop of this building. I'd stand on the ledge with my arms out. I believed I could fly. I believed I wouldn't fall. I heard a voice telling me to jump. Telling me it's ok. Telling me I would soar. I wanted to trust that voice. I came so close to believing what it said. There was a cop who followed me. Who always seemed to be there on that rooftop. Many times he pulled me off that ledge. I would have jumped. I could have died. God didn't let me.

I'll do anything God. Anything you want.

Anything except tell the people in my world today how I lived, what I did, how bad things were, the drugs, the cutting, the abuse, the horrible mess I lived. Pride? Shame?

There was a fire. I dropped the match trying to heat up the dope. The flames engulfed the room. I was trapped. I should have died.

I'll do anything God. Anything you want.

The hospital told me they had never seen anyone so thin. I weighed less than eighty pounds. I was cold all the time. Freezing. Even in summer. My electrolytes were out of whack making my legs hurt. They said my heart would stop. It never did. He wouldn't let it.

I'll do anything God. Anything you want.

When I run I have courage. When I run I know He is running with me. I'm not alone. He gives me this incredible strength. He empowers me. When I run and feel His presence I know I can do anything. Will do anything. Even tell.

I owe Him. I want to tell but I'm afaid to. One day, I won't be afraid.

I'll do anything God. I promise. One day. I'll find the courage.


Rhonda said...

One day sweet one, you will be able to tell more about what has happened to you. I'm learning that it's not something that just pours out all at once. It happens in baby steps and in His time. We have to take our healing process slow so that we can absorb and learn all the positive things that we can make out of what we've experienced. The hardest thing is believing that there IS something positive we can take from the pain, hurt and abuse we have suffered.

Continue to trust Him and He will lead you. He will be right there as you stated to run with you. Allow Him to be your courage and your strength.


Gin said...

(((((Sarah))))) When it is time, it will happen. Don't worry.

Andrea said...

Sweetheart, You have a testimony many of us do not have and GOD is using you already. GOD BLESS YOU! Praying for your continued journey!

Just Be Real said...

Sarah dear in time. You are one brave soul and I certainly do admire you. Thank you for being brutally honest!

safe hugs dear one

mitch said...

Wow, Great blog. You've got courge now. SO so deep. And why doesn't everybody get what you got? You truely are blessed. Peace out

VICKI IN AZ said...

You are telling, we are Listening!
You are lifting, we are lifted up by you.

That day will come, you will keep every promise, in the way that you desire, in the way that God desires.

You will stand as a pillar in your testimony and the flood will hold no sway on you my friend.


Denise said...

You are so brave, bless you.

RCUBEs said...

Courage is not being able to climb the top of the mountain, or soaring to heights...I think you took the first step when you posted this...because I know it's not easy. Will never be...but God will be there for you...

God bless.

Lisa Marie said...

There is so much strength in this post. You will do it all for God, when He says you are ready. God Bless.

Epiphany said...

You know that this blog, this sharing, is part of what He wants you to do, part of you doing anything for Him.

Have you ever had contact with that police man since?

Anonymous said...

God truly has a plan for your life Sarah. This blog and you opening up about your life is part of it. Follow Him where He leads you. Listen to that small voice inside of you when you are alone and talking with the Lord. God is for you my friend. Nothing can come up against you. Nothing!

Stay sweet.
Stay strong.
Stay blessed.

I love you.

You do have courage. You do have courage. Say this over and over, I do have courage because God lives in me. I do have courage because God lives in me. You are a survivor my friend. You are a survivor.