Sunday, August 30, 2009

Writing to Heal

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." William Wordsworth.

Writing - journaling has been one of the best ways for me to deal with stuff. I couldn't tell anyone what happened, how I felt or how afraid I was or even what I wanted or needed - But I could write.

Writing helps free me. It takes me to that dark place deep inside myself that I've been too afraid to look at. The place that's held the fear, the shame, the pain, the memories.....The place I've spent years running from. Writing has helped pull from that place what I could never say.

To say meant owning it - Owning it meant it was real. I didn't want it to be real. But the shame kept me a prisoner....isolated and distant even from myself....

So I write.

In writing I own it. In writing it becomes real. In writing I look at the shame. I face the fear, the pain, the memories that have tormented me.

There are times I want to close my eyes and not wake up....the memories hurt- the shame too overwhelming....But God doesn't let me give up. He takes me to a place I've never been....a peaceful place. He sooths that part of me I try to hide, to push away, to pretend doesn't exist. He offers me His gentleness and whispers; it's ok now.

People in my life don't know where I've been. They see me as happy, fun, free. I don't know how I never told anyone about being held in that house for six months, desperate to get away. I don't know how I never told all those things I lived, the 14 year drug addiction, the years of battling an eating disorder and cutting myself, of being forced into situations that nearly broke me. It's like I've lived two lives. Side by side. Never free. Pretending. But I want to be free. I really want to be free.

My book is soon ready to be published. I'm afraid of people I work with, friends and neighbours knowing how awful things were and how much a fight it has been. Not telling though is being selfish. If God hadn't touched me the way He had - I wouldn't have lived. I owe Him.


Mevely317 said...

I'm reminded, "The truth shall set you free."
Wherever we are ... God is.
Thank you for exemplifying Courage ~ to share your story and perhaps help countless other silent survivors.

Have a great day!


RCUBEs said...

"In writing I own it. In writing it becomes real. In writing I look at the shame. I face the fear, the pain, the memories that have tormented me." - I call that "Courage" sister because I know it's never easy. But if you keep on seeking the Lord, He does turn those "ugly, bad times" into good according to His purpose. That is awesome that you have a book coming out. I know that it will encourage so many. Everything in God's perfect time but if we remain patient, it will turn out great on your part and for those who will need to read your message...God bless you and keep us posted about your book.

Just Be Real said...

Dear one, I am so very proud of your bravery and how the Lord is going to bless your book once published to the other hurting souls out there that need to hear the truth!!! God is using you mightly!!! What an awesome privilege!!! Scary, but awesome!!
In writing the truth, it certainly does become 'real.' And that is what we are all about..... becoming Real!!


nannykim said...

We do need to be real with each other, don't we? There are so many types of suffering that people go through--I have said it before but once people start sharing at church the more I see that most have or currently are in some kind of suffering. Sometimes we can't share the specifics because of others that are involved, but when we can share I believe it is very helpful and beneficial to others. I also have seen that some of the major women Bible leaders have gone through rape, prostitution, depression etc--such as Beth Moore, Kay Author (not sure how to spell her name), Elizabeth George, to name a few. God has purposes we may never understand , it amazes me how he can take such horrible evil and turn and use it for good. God bless.

Andrea said...

Writing is definitely therapeutic. I am excited for you that your book is almost done. As for worrying about friends, family, and co-workers..DO NOT GO THERE! That is a lie of the enemy. Those who truly love you will support you and praise GOD with you. There are so many people GOD will heal through your words. Do NOT allow satan to trap you in his lies.
Much love and prayers, andrea

Clif said...

Marvelous post. Writing it down does help. Soldier on. God bless you as you live for Him.

Wanda's Wings said...

Writing is such a good way to deal with the reality and pain. I am sure your book will be a wonderful way for the truth to be heard. God bless you.

Anonymous said...

God Himself has truly been your source of courage and strength. It does not matter what others may say or think about your book. For me, I know your words, your testimony, your story will touch someone's live and give them the hope that they need. Let God take care of those who may or may not say negative things about you. God has led you to write your story. God will indeed protect you and out of the ashes of a painful past, you are shining for His glory and glory alone.

I am so proud of you. I applaud your strength, your courage and your faith. I can not wait to read your book.

"Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. Isaiah 60:1 (NIV)

Your time has truly come Sarah. Your time has truly come.

Sarah Dawn said...

Rejoicing with you in your soon to be published book. May the Lord use your words to bless others.

Just stopping by from Spiritual Sundays. Delighted in my visit.

If you have a prayer request or a passion to battle on your knees, I invite you to the battle at my blog.

Blessings from Costa Rica,
Sarah Dawn

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Sarah,
My heart goes out to you.
I'm so glad that writing has been so good for you.
You are such an encouragement to me with you realness and your honesty.
Keep writing.


speck of dust said...

I have found that as I've slowly told a few people about some truths about myself it has actually made my life easier. Because it is easier to be true. I have found that I don't need to tell everyone. I have found that when you share some of your pain people feel more comfortable, because they have their own pain. Your courage will help set others free. Everyone is in chains. Many people will feel compassion for you and your story. But I know how you feel. How bloody hard this all is. You're not alone X

speck of dust said...

God is within you. You haven't been selfish you've been surviving and looking after yourself. That's healthy. Now you're moving forward to become more whole and that is terrifying. Be gentle with yourself. Look after yourself :)

Susan said...

Writing is part of our healing... a very important part.
And as you write out your healing, it helps the rest of us heal a little too. Thank you.

Denise said...

May you be greatly blessed, I think you are a beautiful brave warrior.

Charlotte said...

Hi Sarah,
I was just looking back over the links on Spiritual Sundays and decided to visit you again. This post was done after I visited earlier so I commented on that post. I'm glad you discovered that writing helps you so much. I think that's wonderful. I can see how it has been helpful to you. Come to think about it, I think writing helps me too. It seems I can express myself better in writing than I can verbally.
Have a wonderful week.

Anonymous said...

Hi Sarah,
Your courage is inspiring. I hope you know how many women are hiding out there. Your honesty(truth) will give them permission to let the light shine in their own darkness. I can't wait to read your book! I know it feels vulnerable and I pray that God gives you strength for that. I know how that feels. It is risky. For me, the risk has been worth it.
I am learning, to dust my feet off, and move on from the ones who don't understand "being real".

Blessings and Hugs,

VICKI IN AZ said...

How I loved reading this, you know how to say the things that are in here which I don't even understand, do you know I needed to read this, right now today?
Thank You Thank you I can't say it enough.
God has truly given you beauty for ashes and also given you the ability to share that with others and I am honored that you share it with me.
I have been wondering about your book! I can't wait to own several copies. (Gotta have loaners.)
I am so grateful that you share yourself with me and others.
I am rambling, but sending you all kinds of hugs and ♥

Kristen Torres-Toro @ Write in the Way said...

Hi, Sarah! Thanks for coming over to Write in the Way! I'm excited to hear your story. It sounds like yours is powerful and that God will use it to help others! It takes a lot of courage to write about hard stuff like that. But it's definitely worth it!

Renee said...

I find writing very theraputic too. It is healing. I think it takes great courage for you to write a book about your deepest pain...may God bless you the way your book with bless others.

Terri Tiffany said...

Are you self-publishing or did a publishing house pick you up?? Happy for you!

Patricia Singleton said...

Sarah, so much of my own healing work has come through my writing it down. For me, the written word has so much power to it. Seeing the written word as well as hearing it spoken in my mind makes my story more real for me. I look forward to seeing your book published.