Tuesday, September 1, 2009


"Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look at the stars." Henry Van Dyke

I'm glad God let me live. I'm glad He didn't let me die.

And I'm glad I'm not crippled, or sick or physically a mess because of all the things I did to my body. He let me live. And He gives me this amazing joy inside that makes me feel like I can fly.

Many times I wanted to take my own life. I tried. I popped tons of pills, overdosed shooting up, walked in front of cars, stood on the ledges of buildings, became so thin my heart could have stopped - Yet He let me live.

I shook my fist at Him, daring Him to kill me - but He wouldn't. I tempted life - ended up in crazy and dangerous situations where others could have killed me - He didn't let them.

He ran with me even when I didn't know Him. He fought for me when I was determined to live opposite to what He wanted. He saw something in me I couldn't see. I guess He knew I would live for Him if I ever let Him free me.

I keep wanting to ask why me when so many of my friends died. I won't ever know why, but I promise I will be whatever He wants. I'll do whatever He asks even if I'm afraid. I love Him. He touched me. He freed me. He broke chains that held me really tight - chains that were choking life from me.

I couldn't feel anyone's love. I couldn't accept kindness from anyone. I knew I didn't deserve it. I deserved nothing. When someone said they loved me I didn't believe them. I didn't know what they meant. I didn't trust them. In my mind, I believed I had no right to exit.

Somehow though, God broke through that. Somehow He manged to show me love that was so amazing it broke through the barrier of shame and did what nothing else could -

I'm really glad He didn't let me die. I'm really glad I know Him. I'm really glad I belong to Him.I want my life to count. I want it to count for Him.


Denise said...

I praise God that He let you live, your life is a precious gift that He blessed you with. From now on, what you do with your life, is a precious gift to Him. Bless you sweetie.

Jane said...

Life is indeed precious, yet sometimes we take it for granted. No matter what's the problem, we can always work it out. Sometimes, we have to lower our expectations, or change our perspectives, but life is indeed God's gift and we shouldn't waste it. :)


RCUBEs said...

And I'm glad you chose to let Him change your heart. You did die...the old self...and now, you live but with Jesus in you. What an amazing thing that the Lord does when we let Him in into our hearts.

And if you continue to seek Him, and be an instrument for His glory, then He will use you...And I know that there are so many being encouraged by your own courage at this moment. May the Lord continue to guide you, protect you and give you His strength and wisdom. Blessings.

Epiphany said...

"I'm really glad He didn't let me die."

Me too.

And so are the many people reading this that will meet God because of you and what you went through.

VICKI IN AZ said...

This is a beautiful Testimony.
You are precious.

Rhonda said...

I am so glad that you have shared this with us. God has blessed my life by the things you have shared on this blog. We all feel pain and we have so much in common.

Also, there is an award for you on my blog. You deserve it. You have come a long way.

nannykim said...

Life is exciting when we are walking and listening to God. He is the great redeemer and He only can open the eyes of the Spiritually Blind. He sought us and caused us to turn to Him--and amazing Lover of our Beings!

HeartfeltHeartLook said...

He ran with me even when I didn't know Him. He fought for me when I was determined to live opposite to what He wanted. He saw something in me I couldn't see. I guess He knew I would live for Him if I ever let Him free me.

This whole post is so touching. The above is awe-inspiring!

God bless you!

Deborah Ann said...

Oh, Sarah, I'm so glad I came here. I can sooo relate to those chains, and especially the part where Jesus takes them off. I wrote a book about my chains too, but I don't think it will be published. I'm glad yours will be!

If you ever need some light-hearted humor or a good laugh, visit me here:


Sometimes laughter can chase the dark clouds away...

Kay said...

consider it counted, wonderful write, read and sentiment; inspiring

Wanda's Wings said...

What a encouraging post. Thank you for sharing.

Wonderingsoul said...

I'm speechless.

I want to believe you. I know what you mean about crazy situations. I was protected too. No idea why.

You write beautifully.


Lisa Marie said...

"I want my life to count. I want it to count for Him."

He knew you would want this. He gave you the strength to find this out on your own.

Gaia said...

Hi Sarah,

Thanks for the visit. Glad you liked that classic piece. So soothing and at peace. When we are afraid ... just whistle (pray).

Was scanning through your other posts, most encouraging. Will spend sometime reading all of them.

God Bless

Anonymous said...

Hi Sarah,
When I read your posts they always touch my heart in some deep place. Sometimes I work with women that seem unreachable. Your posts help me understand "why" some of them can't receive the love I try to give them and why they resist. The way you describe the shame is powerful.

God's grace and love are so amazing. You encourage me to love like Him. He never gives up or lets go. Sometimes the person who is resisting me the hardest is hurting and in need of love the most.

Thanks for sharing,

Girl in a Glass House said...

This is a great testimony, not because of who you were and who you haave become but because Christ made it happen...I am blessed to have read this post today

Lori Laws said...

What a powerful post, Sarah! I'm so glad He let you live. It's all for His Kingdom and His glory!! Wow, keep sharing your life:)

God bless!