Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thank-you


"Kind words can be short and easy to speak but their echoes are truly endless." Mother Teresa

Whoa! When I woke up and read your comments the day after I posted - I kept thinking - where did these guys come from. Your support - your kindness - your words encouraged me. All day I held your comments - thinking about them. They made me strong. 

Thank-you. You guys are the best. The absolute best!

Darn that rejection. I hate that it made me sink so low but your words gave me the fight I needed to hit back.

This year so many things happened - things that made me believe God wanted me to write. Write about what I could never tell. As I wrote it hit me how bad things had been - how far down God had reached to pull me out -
 

I connected with the rapist's son - I connected with people who knew what happened -

And something else - I went back to that house where the rapist held me. I stood there  - shocked at how close the neighbour's homes were. How come no one heard? How come no one saw? How come no one came to help?


The six foot high fence that had wove around the property was gone. That gate I had somehow managed to climb over - in the middle of winter - in ankle deep snow - with no shoes, no boots, no coat......

  A man came out. The cleaner. I told him I had lived there once. Would he let me inside?  He said yes. He let me me go through every room, open every door - even take pictures.  I asked about a coach house with a room upstairs. He told me its been renovated. He led me to the back of the house. Brought me to that room. That room - where I had been dragged, held, banged on the door until my hands hurt - desperate to be free. 


I felt like a holocust survivor returning to the camps. It had happened. It was real. 

I survived. 

There is a strength in me - a fight - a determination. In the past I used drugs, threw up, cut myself. Today I am finding the courage to tell - to turn the light on for others to survive - for others to be free. 












21 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Sarah, you are so very very special!! You are so very very brave dear one!!

You have overcome a lot! I drive by daily on my way to work where I grew up and my abuse took place. I have even knocked on my old house's door a couple of years ago, but no one was home. I too was curious to see. I was scared even walking up to the door. In a way glad no one answered at the time. Maybe today, since I am stronger, I could do it again. Your strength is a living testimony. You are apperciated!!

Blessings and hugs!!

RCUBEs said...

Even if you had sunk to the bottom of the pit, what matters is that there is no deepest place where God can't reach you...And the best thing, you chose to reach out to Him...[I like that picture]...

Wow! You are becoming stronger each time I visit you. Now that you had written about going back to that house, held as a prisoner for months, just showed that you are overcoming those fears that once held you before. I'm so happy for your willingness to choose to encourage others, to choose to fight, to choose to hope, to choose to be set free. God is good! To Him be the glory! God bless you and may He cover you with His comfort, healing, love and grace. Thank you for your courage!

Finally Free said...

Dearest Sarah,
I am not sure "why", but when I read your posts, they touch me deep in my heart and bring me to tears. I think it might be that when I read how you were banging the door for help and all the courage it took to get free. Even though I was not physically held captive, I was was spiritually and emotionally bound. It feels the same on some level.

I sense that the Holy Spirit touches your writings and brings healing to the readers.

Your posts always encourage me to shine my light brighter.

When you noticed how close the homes were and why did no one hear or come to help. It really opened my eyes to how apathetic I can be in my own neighborhood. God has placed me here and I pray that my eyes would be opened to see darkness if it is there.

Blessings and Hugs,
Tammy

Gin said...

You are truly amazing and so brave to have gone back there. I hope that it was able to give you some closure. I am so happy to that you are looking for ways to help others. Did I mention you are amazing? :-)

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

Wow, Sarah. You were so brave to return to the site. While I HATE what happened to you, I can see how God is continuing to heal you. Your story is so powerful because of your faith and what He has done.

Denise said...

Keep turning that light on sweetie, let it shine brightly for others to see.

Tracy said...

Wow.

God IS really leading you on this journey. While what happened to you is beyond horrible; your courage, strength, and perseverance as you journey into healing are an inspiration.

May His blessings continue to be on you.

Paula said...

What a huge step towards healing. You are so very brave. I did the same many years ago and weeks later I found I had gained some of my lost innocence back, I felt and feel more whole and pure ever since. Sorry that I cant explain better, hope it makes sense. Love to you

Wonderingsoul said...

Sarah,
Again, "wow".
Your courage is incredible.
You are an inspiration and your struggle for healing is an amazing story.
Thank you so much for sharing with such honesty.
I'm so glad you are here.

x

Prayer Girl said...

God has given you courage. I know it will help you heal and help others heal.

What a blessing. God can bring good out of the worst of situations. I see that in your posts.

Love and prayers,
PG

Martha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Martha said...

Oh my, I literally have goosebumps on my arms now!

I am so glad I felt the urge to read your profile one more time, I had no idea you had this blog :o) you are an inspiration to me. Too many people write about cotton candy and their positive traits. I love how real your blog is, it is obvious that you are not sugarcoating in order to please everyone. You are genuine, sincere, and that is my favorite kind of blog to read. Thank you!!! I am eager to read more about your experience :) and your positive comments uplifts my day!

P.S. I deleted the previous comment due to numerous typos ;) I'm too picky to leave it unchanged!

Gaia said...

Sarah you are a pillar of strength. May God be with you always.

Epiphany said...

I have to agree with all the "wow" comments.

You really are walking in the strength of God. To have gone back there is a HUGE deal. I'm sure Jesus was with you every step of the way, as He is now with this part of the journey.

VICKI IN AZ said...

Sarah,
You are loved and truly held in my heart. I want to meet you someday and look into your sweet eyes. I know how brave you are to have gone back to that place of horror. What an amazing woman you are.
xoxo,
Vicki

nannykim said...

What came to mind as I read this was this verse: John 8:36--"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." I think we are set free from our sins and the sins others have done toward or upon us. I think many of us have not understood the things that chain us. You are exploring these things and facing them head on...Many of us have not been or are not aware of the things that chain us and keep us from living for the glory of God. Perhaps we need to ask God to show us and to help us face these things and seek His freedom. What a wonderful God we have...He can make us whole and set us free to live for His glory.!

Wendy @ All in a Day's Thought said...

Sarah,

Thank you for visiting my blog and your comment. What a powerful post. I'm grateful God has made you new! It seems that is what He does so beautifully, transforming us. Praise God.
~ Wendy

Lisa Marie said...

Your bravery and strength amaze me! And even more, how you use that to help others amazes me.

Margie said...

Oh my, how very brave you are dear Sarah!

Blessings to you, always!
Thank you for visiting my blog

Margie

Joyfulsister said...

Hi Sarah...
I was blessed that you came by to visit, I just want you to know that you are so loved, and I see a woman who has courage and realness to open and share, I know it is not easy to do. But rest assure there is someone out there who will begin a journey of healing after reading your story and testimony. As the bible says.. we over come by the word of our testimony. I am so blessed you stopped or I would have misses meeting a sister like you.

Hugz Lorie

Susan said...

So proud of you!
I really don't know what else to say....