"We keep going back, stronger, not weaker, because we will not allow rejection to beat us down. It will only strengthen our resolve." Earl G. Graves Rejection hurts. It's sting goes deep - tearing at everything that's good. It makes me want to give up - makes me feel worthless - that my life is worthless - I'm worthless.
Anything that feels like rejection - a small touch of it triggers the pain of everything that hurt - the beatings, the bullying from my parents - being held - raped - confined - chemically and physically restrained -
It pushes me back to the darkness - to hopelessness -
How can I be a writer and not deal with rejection? I love to write - to weave words together. To spin stories that can touch people and inspire others to climb out of their own darkness. I entered a contest. Didn't win. It came on the heels of an email acknowledging the article I submited was the best they had recieved. All I could focus on was the rejection.
For two days I walked around in the darkness. Couldn't talk to anyone. Didn't care about anything. Angry - sullen - wanting to stop writing - even to stop living.
My close friend and writer called. Told me she wouldn't let me stop writing. And my editor encouraged me. Said the words I had written had stayed with her since the first time she read them. Don't give up they told me. You need to write. Writing is your voice.
I went running in the woods. Alone. God whispered to my heart - Write. Write for you. Write. Never give up.
The fighter in me came back. It came back strong. I won't let what happened in the past keep me down anymore. I won't let it pull me to into darkness and hold me there. I can use it to make a difference. A difference in the life of even one person - to give them hope - that there is a way out. I want to do that. I want to shine the light for others.
God let me live. I owe Him. I owe it to my kids - to the people who love me - who are in my corner. I owe it to myself.