Monday, September 14, 2009

Rejection



"We keep going back, stronger, not weaker, because we will not allow rejection to beat us down. It will only strengthen our resolve." Earl G. Graves

Rejection hurts. It's sting goes deep - tearing at everything that's good. It makes me want to give up - makes me feel worthless - that my life is worthless - I'm worthless.

Anything that feels like rejection - a small touch of it triggers the pain of everything that hurt - the beatings, the bullying from my parents - being held - raped - confined - chemically and physically restrained -

It pushes me back to the darkness - to hopelessness -

How can I be a writer and not deal with rejection? I love to write - to weave words together. To spin stories that can touch people and inspire others to climb out of their own darkness. I entered a contest. Didn't win. It came on the heels of an email acknowledging the article I submited was the best they had recieved. All I could focus on was the rejection.

For two days I walked around in the darkness. Couldn't talk to anyone. Didn't care about anything. Angry - sullen - wanting to stop writing - even to stop living.

My close friend and writer called. Told me she wouldn't let me stop writing. And my editor encouraged me. Said the words I had written had stayed with her since the first time she read them. Don't give up they told me. You need to write. Writing is your voice.

I went running in the woods. Alone. God whispered to my heart - Write. Write for you. Write. Never give up.

The fighter in me came back. It came back strong. I won't let what happened in the past keep me down anymore. I won't let it pull me to into darkness and hold me there. I can use it to make a difference. A difference in the life of even one person - to give them hope - that there is a way out. I want to do that. I want to shine the light for others.

God let me live. I owe Him. I owe it to my kids - to the people who love me - who are in my corner. I owe it to myself.


28 comments:

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

I do that too... focus so much on the "bad" (the rejections) that I completely miss the good stuff. It sounds like you have some great writing support in your life!

Ultimately, we write for Christ and not for publication. But I can't wait until that last part comes too!

Wanda's Wings said...

Don't give up. Continue to fight for you are worth it. Sometimes things can seem so bad that there is no hope, but we do have hope in Christ, ourselves, and our friends. Hang in there my friend and the darkness will pass.

Finally Free said...

Hi Sarah,
Rejection.....It was probably my biggest wound. It used to debilitate me, too. Still stings a lot. I am so glad you have some wonderful balcony people to encourage you on your way. I love reading your blog. So much depth and so well written. Maybe I can learn to write better from you. :)

ellie said...

Hey, Sarah....gosh, I'm sorry you experienced that....that's the one part of writing I've never gotten used to....and maybe no one ever does. I'll tell you what I try to think, though, when I do get a rejection (and once I got one in--no lie--less than 20 minutes! lol...yea, I don't think they even read my article! lol). Anyway, I try to focus on the fact that God only opens the very best doors for me....the ones to the rooms He wants me in....so I like to think of rejections as His way of protecting me. I know that sounds corny....but it does help me....and I really do believe it.

I'm glad you aren't going to give up...that would truly be a waste of God-given talent.

Tracy said...

Strong post. I think many relate with this. I know i do. It took me so much healing, so much painting, so much writing to work through the rejections i felt. I still have to work through those feelings. I now know that if i push through those feelings and continue on, those feelings will fade, and i actually am getting stronger. God gave you a gift for writing, not only for others to read, but for you to have an outlet. A wonderfully healing outlet. God does not make junk. :) he made you and he gave you some wonderful gifts, keep working forward, and using those gifts. Work through the feelings and you will become stronger.
Hugssss

Prayer Girl said...

Then there are people like me who just give up BEFORE the rejection....never take a risk, never step out, never do it.

God bless all your efforts.

PG

Madison said...

With a single-minded focus a lot can be accomplished. Anyone can learn to do anything, but people who try and also have a gift are impossible to beat. Write from your heart. Your story is your own. God will be using your life in amazing ways.

Gin said...

Rejection can hurt, but we can learn so much from it and become stronger. I believe that you will and you already have!

Denise said...

Amen, keep on writing. Your writing is very much a part of your healing. Please do not stop sweetie.

Andrea said...

Sarah,

For me writing is the therapy no one can take away from me.

Blessings and prayers, andrea

Jensmere said...

Write for yourself, and for the One who wants to use your voice for His glory! Don't let rejection overcome your passion for the writing...let your voice speak!

Be blessed,
Susan

nannykim said...

This has happened to many people --I think of Billy Graham. When he decided to leave Bob Jones University to attend a different school (or maybe it was a college at that time)..he was told he would never make it as a preacher..never be a good one. I remember Elvis Presley was told that he couldn't sing. So "rejections" are not always true. You have to go with your heart and the gift God has given you. It will bloom when and where he wants. AMEN

Epiphany said...

It's interesting to ready your last post and then this one. You can see how Satan searches for and finds the weaknesses we have and pushes us right there, hoping we'll crack. But next time you feel so low again, read the blog entry you did before this one.

They say when one door shuts another one opens, and in Revelation Jesus says he's right there, standing knocking at the door. So no matter which door you go through, or which door you fall though, or get shoved, Jesus is there anyway.

Cheri said...

Never, ever give up, Sarah! Writing is a gift of God, both to you and from you to others! It's therapy; it's a sacrifice of praise; it's freeing.

Hugs and blessings to you,
Cheri

Paula said...

For sure you have a wonderful way with words. For sure you make a difference in my life. Voicing what I feel and expereince but cant express so well. Thanks for being out there. Hugs across the pond

Just Be Real said...

I am glad the 'fighter' in you came back!!! Yes, rejection is truly hard. I would stuff it and just accept that I deserved it. I am getting better at not accepting rejection as a defeat anymore and that I am still worthy regardless of what people think of me. Hard, very hard, but it is a process.

As always, I so much appreciate your insight and enlightenment. Thank you dear one for being who you are, and that is Real! Blessings and hugs!

Terri Tiffany said...

Writing is about the rejections unfortunately. They stink but they make us better!Keep at it!

Rhonda said...

This post couldn't come at a more convenient time for me. I am feeling loads of rejection in my life today. Depression is setting in because of that rejection. I wish I had your strength sweet one.

Greg C said...

I don't handle rejection very well either. I guess I need to get better at that.

RCUBEs said...

Rejection hurts but the world's values is always the opposite of the Lord's. We are all loved and accepted by Him and that's where our greatest hope and the will to move on will come from. So glad you didn't give up writing because I know that many are encouraged and blessed by your heartfelt words. Blessings to you.

Wonderingsoul said...

Admiring your bravery and your strength.
Just to RISK rejection is courageous.
x

Lori Stanley Roeleveld said...

Rejection is a big deal, Sarah. Very real pain. I wrote about a recent experience with rejection. Check it out at http://loristanleyroeleveld.blogspot.com/2009/08/rejected.html I loved what you had to say - real, honest, well-written. :)

Colleen said...

Our lives are like this aren't they? Up and down like a roller coaster ride. But people can make such a difference. It is like God sends us angels to encourage us and we find they have give US the light. I would not have published my book if it were not for two of those angels who would not let me give up. God bless.

Barbara(aka Layla) said...

Keep writing...your writing is making a difference and that will never change as long as you continue to speak from your heart.

Paradiseprayers said...

This is great! I am blessed by this post, thank you:)

Lori Laws said...

Oh Sarah, I get into a writing funk once in a while too. Girl, you're a great writer, and we all need to hear your voice that tells of your experiences, hurts, pains,sorrows,joys...you name it. You will never truly know all of the people you touch by telling your story and your views. You won't know until you get to heaven, and Jesus says, "Well done, good and faithful servant!" Keep being real. Keep writing because someone will always be hearing what you have to say. Hugs:)

VICKI IN AZ said...

Thank you for not giving up, for not leaving us without you. You are loved and your writing is precious to us!
xoox

Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience said...

Hang in there!
Write --- just to make Him smile.

All's grace,
Ann