Saturday, September 12, 2009

Fighting for Others


"Don't give up trying to find your way. But do remember that sometimes it takes bending to avoid breaking." Katinka Hesselink

I spent a long time fighting - fighting to stay alive - watching friends die. Others falling into deep depression unable to find their way out. Listening to voices of hatred - feeling the touch of evil.

I'm a fighter. I don't give up easily. In some ways that fighter mentality has given me strength. An inner strength. A strength that makes me push against whatever I need - to survive. I don't understand. Why me? - others gave up - died - gave in to the darkness - gave in to hopelessness.

The worst is past. It's behind me. But I'm still fighting. I feel it inside. Sometimes I fight when I don't have to - when there isn't a need to fight. I don't know how to stop. It's a part of me - like my name - a drive that surges through me - pushing me to hang in - stay focused until I exhaust myself. Letting go - giving in is not an option. Not until I'm writing or running alone in the woods.

I want to use this energy to fight for others. To give them hope - a reason to live - a purpose to push back - to fight their demons. I want this fight in me to help others not give up - to show the gentleness of God - to point them to the One who has the power to break through anything.

I'm working on courage. Courage to tell people in my world the things that happened - how I lived.....the darkness - the deception that I believed. - I don't want shame to win out. I don't want shame to stop me - Some days it's easier to have faith. Other days I feel lower than a worm. But that fighter in me won't give up - won't stay down. I have a purpose - a goal. To give back. To reach out. To help even one person not be swallowed up by the darkness.

17 comments:

ellie said...

You know, Sarah, this post you've written here seems to speak to something I came to realize during my own years of healing following my own darkness. There is surviving, and then, there is thriving. It sounds like you, having survived are now moving into fully thriving in spite of all that happened...because refusing to let shame silence you and reaching out to others in help and comfort is an example of thriving...to me, anyway. And I do believe that God's power takes us there....that that is a part of His healing us. Bless you!

Madison said...

I love fighters. When fighters are knocked down, they get back up. Punch away, my friend. Don't let anything that happens knock you down for long.

Denise said...

You go girl. Keep standing back up, never stay down. Fight on beautiful warrior.

Mary said...

I love the quote you have at the beginning of this post.

It takes time to give up our old ways of protection.

Blessings!

nannykim said...

Amen

Gaia said...

Thank you for sharing, there will be many others out there who will need to learn your courage to move on. Blessings.

RCUBEs said...

You continue to inspire...to fight...to never quit...Why should we especially now that we know we can use God's mighty weapons? To Him be the glory! Blessings to you sister and may you have a great weekend!

Mary said...

Thank you Sarah, for your comment and prayers.

Andrea said...

GOD will give you clear direction on when to speak out. HE is faithful and will show you the way. Listen carefully, sweet one and cling to HIM. He will not let you down. He always has your back!

I, too am a fighter...

Blessings, andrea

Just Be Real said...

Sarah, you are such a woman of strength! Trust God to show you and guide you where you should go with your story. Blessings dear one! Thank you!

VICKI IN AZ said...

Sarah,
This is a powerful Declaration from an inspirational Woman!

I am honored to be on this journey with you.

Thank you for your unending support and kindness.

Deborah said...

Very powerful Sarah! Having faith and believing that the Lord is with you and will bring you through is key. Keep fighting in His strength. He is with you, He will never leave you nor forsake you. You are the apple of His eye.

Sometimes it's hard to remember that we don't war against flesh and blood even though that is what is usually right in front of us.

We can't always see how the Lord is working in the struggles and the trials we go through...but He is working in them on our behalf.

Thank you for being so transparent.

Sending ((((( hugs ))))) to you.

Deb said...

I love that you're a fighter.

That you have a vision.

And a purpose.

Most of all that you love.

Sweet dreams.

Valerie Lynn said...

You my sweet Sarah, have more courage than you know. There is no doubt in my mind that you are truly helping someone with your writings. You are bringing hope to a hopeless situation. Your light is truly shining bright in someone's life. I know it is shining in mine. Love you!

Finally Free said...

Sarah,
When I read the horrors that you and others have experienced, and some are experiencing right now. It makes me forget my fear of speaking and stand up and talk about His Love. I pray His Spirit gives us both the courage to be able to help others experience His Amazing Grace and Love.

Blessings and Hugs
Tammy

Rhonda said...

Keep fighting girl! We are the only one's who can truly stand up for ourselves because we are the only one's that know what we've experienced. You have such strength and wisdom. Hugs!!

Maria said...

this is great!:) thank you for fighting..