Sunday, December 6, 2009

Letting Love In

"To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides." David Viscott
 
For a long time I was afraid to love....anyone or anything. I didn't want to get hurt. I was afraid it or them would be taken away. Anytime someone showed they cared - or wanted to get close - I pushed them away - making excuses - leaving. And I never let myself get attached to things. I didn't think they would last either.
But not loving anything or anyone left me feeling alone and empty. That deep hunger for love and being too afraid was a vicious cycle that churned and gnawed inside me - It made me feel like an outsider - not really living. Fear won out for a long time.  


People called me a risk taker. I never knew....to love is to take a risk. Writing, blogging....opened my heart. I don't know how that happened. I wrote the truth - I wrote what I could never say. I wrote and kept writing...Something happened. A light turned on. The heaviness began to lift. The shame didn't feel so intense. I let people look in my eyes - and I could stay in their presence a bit longer. 

Somebody knew. You guys knew. No one had ever said what I lived was awful. I had tried to fight it - to not let it be so big. No one had told me it was bad - no one had said they were sorry it happened. People are saying it now - And that was the key that turned the lock on my heart. I feel a softness inside - a vulnerabilty that wasn't there before - I'm letting people in my world - I'm letting people care - and I'm letting them stay.


I always cared about people - I didn't want anyone to be hurt or afraid - but to care....really care...I'm learning you have to let them love you back....and not be afraid to take a risk.

Love - it started with Him - somehow He cut through all the layers that padded and hid my heart - all the layers that kept the light out  -  I want to love and let others love me back. I want to live free and be a part of life - not an outsider afraid to join in - and I want to give back in ways that make a difference  -








22 comments:

mothersalways said...

Sharing brings peace..and helps healing.
God Bless
BM

Andrea said...

You are continuing to heal with each person you allow to enter your inner circle. With each step of faith and trust...you heal.
Blessings, andrea

Kristen Torres-Toro said...

I believe you will, Sarah, and that you are. You're right, it's scary to let people love you. But the risk is completely worth it. Friends are some of the greatest blessings in life. Have a great day!

Paula said...

I am in your corner. Letting love in is so very scary. I became very creative in HOW to destroy what was given to me or what I felt. By now I am learning in baby steps to not run away and not turn codependent either. Very hard, very difficult. Sarah like you managed and still learn - well I will follow your inspiration.

Finally Free said...

Sarah,
What an amazing and beautiful post. It makes me want to cry. I remember feeling alone and afraid to love, too. God's love frees us to love and be loved.
Your writing is so "real". It is exactly how I felt and so many others before we took "a risk" at love. I am so grateful for God's love penetrating your heart like He did mine.

You are giving voice to many hurting hearts. So many are hiding in shame and pain.

His light and love is shining through this post. :)

Blessings and hugs to you my freind,
Tammy

Gaia said...

I am feeling exactly that right now... LOVED. I have been more open in my blog than with some of the people I know, not counting my close friends. This openess leads caring souls into my life.
Blessings.

Audrinna said...

I understand this, I tried to talk about what happen to me with my husband he doesn't care,I tried to blog about it ,I had mean person not to believe me so now i cant talk about it any more, I feel abounded Now I'm Just tried

Mary said...

Loving and being loved does open us to the possibility of being hurt. But because the one who knows us most, inside and out, and loves us best, perfectly, unconditionally, abundantly, and always not matter what we can risk. You are experiencing that love, being healed by that love, it is enabling you to remove your masks and to share your heart.

We are blessed by that!

May you continue to experience the abundant love of God - to overflowing!!

Blessings dear one.

Just Be Real said...

Sarah my dear, I know why I enjoy reading your writings, because you are a few steps ahead of me in your journey process and I can see the potential of so many good things that awaits me!! It is exciting to read how your life has been transformed. How God is using you in so many facets of your life! It gives me a purpose to continue! Thank you! ((((Sarah))))

Elizabeth Bradley said...

We all need love to thrive. Great post, very moving.

Wanda's Wings said...

I'm so glad you share with an open heart. You have been such a blessing to me.

Zan said...

Love you!!

:) xx

RCUBEs said...

As we accept God's love and start seeing things through His eyes, our perspective do change. From meaningless to meaningful. From hate to love. From brokenness into becoming whole...etc...etc...
Reading your words bring encouragement, a reflection of His restorative love and power in your life. That hopefully, others who are still lost will come to know through your writing. Yes sister, let us continue to be strong in the Lord's mighty power. God bless.

Mary said...

Sarah, love what you said about the candy canes posted on my blog -
like us, different, but all the same!! YES!!!

Lisa Marie said...

The warmth of love is something that cannot be recreated. Thank you for offering your blog as a safe place for so many to feel that for the first time in a long time.

Denise said...

Such a lovely post sweetie.

Peter Stone said...

To reach out in love, to share your story through blogging and writing, it is a risk, but one worth taking. Through the comfort you've received, you are now able to comfort others.
And amen! Jesus loved us first, it started with Him.
God bless :)

Audrinna said...

I have something for you at my blog

Cassandra said...

You are a blessing. Your post opens up so much, it really spoke to me in a way. This is one of my quotes that I keep starting to look back on...
“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, it becomes nothing. We may avoid suffering and sorrow, but we simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.”.. Risks are worth taking. Luv ya <3

Brian Miller said...

really a beautiful post...love is a risk, the danger is we will not take it...

Karen said...

Beautiful sharing...

Deborah Ann said...

God is really using your story to touch people's lives! His love for you is so evident...