We met shortly after I began writing. She critiqued something I wrote online. Then we found out we lived 20 minutes away from each other. She wanted to meet. I couldn't....not for three months. A year later we have become the best of friends...talking every day....sharing our lives, our hopes, our dreams....our fears.
From the first time we met, she's been there....in my corner....supportive - encouraging me to tell what I never could. When I struggled to talk....and couldn't stand to have anyone look at me.....she sat - waited in the dark. When I tried to speak...tried to tell what happened....the words getting caught inside - not being able to get them out....she waited....prayed...sat in the darkness with me. Over time I did share the worst....speaking in broken sentences....not finishing whole thoughts.....starting...stopping - my words faltering.....She waited and prayed and stayed.
Tonight she told me there was something she wanted to say.....something she had wanted to tell me since last year.....when she knew what had happened.
I'm sorry for what happened to you. I'm sorry for what they did. I'm sorry that P. held you down and let him rape you. As a woman I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. And if anyone ever hurt you now I would fight for you.
Her words took me off guard. No one had ever said they were sorry for what happened. I had fought alone. I had fought hard to survive....with no one in my corner. No one helping me....only those who hurt me....holding me.....preventing me from being free. P was the woman who helped the rapist hold me in that place. She had the keys....the opportunity to let me go....she wouldn't. And she held me down and let him rape me. I used to think she too was a victim because I didn't believe a woman could hurt anyone the way she hurt me.
I didn't know what to say to my friend, but in some crazy way.....her words are healing. I'm sorry for what happened to you....I'm sorry they hurt you. I'm really sorry and if anyone hurts you again....I'll fight for you.
Happy New Year 2018 to Each & Everyone!!
4 months ago