Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Anger...Frustration


"No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched."  George Jean Nathan
Anger...frustration.....too many things going wrong. I want to scream....run away.....hide. 
Anger...frustration courses through my system like a wild stallion....out of control.....stampeding over my life....
Anger...frustration...small things becoming big....huge....overwhelming.
Anger....frustration....it tears at me inside....chipping and pulling and tearing until I feel like I'm cracking.....falling...falling away from me. I try reaching back for sanity....I can't...can't find it....I need to get out... run...go...find release....feel peace again.. I need the calm...the balance...the sanity....

You're so calm...people tell me....But I'm not....I'm angry...frustrated...I don't know how to deal with this...don't know what to do with the out of control feelings that threaten to take me down.....to that place of darkness....of hopelessness...of not caring...

Anger...frustration....has a life of it's own...taking over  like a demon possessing my life....and even my body. The tension builds....needing to be released. I'm out the door .....to the woods...don't care that it's cold and muddy and windy....don't care if it rains or snows or hails....Running to release it....trying to outrun it....feeling the pain in my legs from pounding the earth...can't stop....my breathing hard encourages me on....I won't let the anger, frustration rule...I won't let it force me down....running.....feeling the freedom....being outdoors....alone....the pain in my body releasing the angst in my soul. 

Anger....frustration....demons to contend with...demons that have always tried to destroy with their intense power....their unyielding force....laughing in my face....as if they've won the battle...the fight...I won't let them anymore.....running to be free....running to let go....running to find my way back to myself....to that peace and calm and reason......Run....Breathe...Let go.....

28 comments:

Karen said...

Running to that Rock that is higher than I.....

Susan said...

God is with you.
Sometimes that simple statement brings me calm.
Run... Breathe... and I pray you'll find that peace.

Zan said...

This will pass.
In the meantime.. sending you lots of hugs. Keeping you in my heart and mind.

xx

Deborah said...

I am praying for you also. You will find peace and calm.
Blessings,
Deborah

Deborah Ann said...

God is right there with you, and no one, not even demons can take you away from God!

Lloyd said...

May our Lord Jesus continue to hold you in His loving arms. God bless, Lloyd

Jennifer said...

Sarah - your journey is beautiful. I thank you for sharing ALL of it. I am so thankful when I read you are RUNNING to release...Isn't this amazing? I am thankful for the many methods we acquire via recovery and awareness. I love the physical release, the mental methods, the spirit ways, the soul work. So many choices - I remember when the lie I believed was that there were no choices. Now WE know!

I loved reading this today - so much freedom, so much health, so much...

Love.

rcubes said...

So glad that you found the real freedom that comes from knowing Christ. He found you first! Greater is He Who is in you than he is who is in the world. Blessings to you sister.

Andrea said...

I am thankful GOD brought you through the pit of despair into the light...HIS light!
Hugs,
andrea

Pete Hoge said...

Sometimes we are blessed with
the ability to just let a situation
go. I did it today...it worked,
it calmed me.

Pete.

Mary said...

Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world. (1Jn 4:4)

I am glad you have running to work through the junk.

May God comfort and strengthen you today.

Hugs!

Carrie Cooper said...

carrie @ comfortedbyGod.blogspot.com
Sarah--
youve captured perfectly what I felt like when my disease was blaring FULL FORCE--I just wanted to run away from it all. My legs dont work like yours do, so I couldnt literally run, but I tried to run in my heart. Not many people grasp that level of hopelessness that even strong Christians can feel. Its not a hopelessness of our salvation, but a hopelessness that our situation will never change. Your post is truly compelling and so DEEP.

Dean Corso said...

Glad you found a way out...many wont.
Can't do anything but wish you the best.

JBR said...

Dear Sarah, I am so very sorry that this is really a bad day for you! I know you struggle as well, and my heart goes out to you dear. (((((Sarah)))))) Thinking and praying for you.

Syd said...

Good for you that the anger and frustration isn't going to get you down. I also don't go down that rabbit hole anymore.

Margie said...

Sarah, Run ... Breathe ... Let go and feel the peace and calm come to you!
It's wonderful that running can bring you that peace and calm.
I used to be a runner but since I had a knee injury last year, I no longer run but I walk each and every day and my walking brings me much joy and I feel such peace in nature.
God is in nature and I feel Him all around me on my walks.

Thank you for the lovely comment you left for me today.
It really meant a lot to me and touched my heart!

I wish for you much joy and peace today.

Margie :)

NOS said...

Sarah, I just want to let you know that I am here listening, and you're in my thoughts. I hope you're able to let go of the anger (if that's what you feel like is best for you). You deserve all of the happiness in the world.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Prayer Girl said...

I still have moments when I have those powerful feelings of wanting to run, run, run. I thank God for the gifts of my AA and Al-Anon programs that have given me friends, sponsor, tools to move back out of that horrible place.

As long as I continue to do the next right thing and pray and use my tools, it does pass.

Prayers your way,
PG

Peter Stone said...

Hang in there Sarah, and great conclusion there - letting go. Even when we have days like these, Jesus is still in control. To let go of all the issues and just recognize that fact brings so much relief.
Remember also that the enemy is only like a roaring lion, he tries to trick us. No need to focus on his tricks and lies, just resist, and he has no choice but to flee.

Grace said...

Dearest Sarah, You always tell me you are in my corner. And it is reassuring to me to find you there. I am in your corner too. You will be free some day. I will be free...someday we will all be free.
(((SARAH)))
~ Grace

Denise said...

Run to Jesus, He will rescue you, and calm you sweet sis. I love you.

Lloyd said...

Sarah, I will continue to lift you up to the Lord in prayer too give you the joy, peace and love that only He can bring. God bless, Lloyd

seema said...

Hi Dear Sarah,
I have read your post's and most of the time it seems like you are writing about my emotions.... I feel myself in your words... but I myself cannot find words to write about my feelings cause I feel choked and overwhelmed and get blinded by my emotions... and mostly they are anger and frustration... I can totally empathise with you.... I feel a connection with your blogs...

But, my relief is in my prayers to my Lord..... after I have cried to Him, I find peace and calm again..
I wish you the same...
God bless you!!

Cheers Always
Seema

nannykim said...

Man, this so expresses how I used to feel at times during my old PMS days. Thankfully, for me, those days are over...it is amazing the influence of hormones.

These days I am trying to focus on walking in the presence of God's love...it helps....but so does no more PMS!

Dulce said...

Trust the higher power within you... you could have written this in the form of a poem...
hugs

Wonderingsoul said...

Hearing the pain and the fear that you will be controlled by something... Iknow how frightening it is and well understand the attemts to outrun it... to blot it out.

As you know from my last post, I understand the need for physical pain to release the agony in the soul, only too well.

You are in my thoughts Sarah.
Just as you are in my corner, so I am in yours.
Guess we can share a little space...

With you,

x

Deb said...

In Him.

Hope.

Believe.

Run.

Sweet dreams.

Belinda said...

Dear Sarah,
Thank you for honouring Whatever He Says by signing on as a follower. Welcome and be warmed and encouraged as you read there.

I look forward to getting to know you through comments or reading your blog.
Blessings and love,
Belinda

P.S. You are number 40 (not that anyone is a number, but 40 seems like a good one, signifying so much, one thing being the end of one generation and the start of a new one--perhaps spiritually.)