Shame...not the healthy kind that keeps us from running to the store naked.....
but toxic shame....the kind that makes you believe you're wrong...defective.... not good enough.
Shame....it's power so strong.....it forced me into hiding....living in darkness...holding onto secrets.
Shame.....the glue that kept me stuck....spinning my wheels..spiraling further down into that black hole.
Shame....made me believe lies.....that I was different....wrong....bad.
Shame.....it wouldn't let me look in someone's eyes or worse....have them look in mine. I knew....if they did....they would see...and know....the truth about who and what I was.
Shame...it covered like a blanket....held on like a leech.....fed beliefs that had been ingrained since I could remember.
I'm reading Jaycee Durgard's story, A Stolen Life. I was afraid to read it but I wanted to. I wanted to hear her strength.....read her courage... and remind myself that evil can't destroy us if we don't let it.
Jaycee's story....a reminder of my own in so many ways..... Her words...feelings....thoughts....similiar. Her focus to move forward and her gratitude for all she's been given....the same. Her words confirm....evil can wield so much damage but it can't steal our souls....not if we don't allow it.
I wish there was no evil....I wish children everywhere were safe.....I wish only good was in the world. I hate what happened to Jaycee....the years she had to endure evil in its purest form.....and I hate that her kidnappers were free.....to do what they did....and that nobody noticed a girl, a child, held a prisoner in the backyard enduring the worse at the hands of a madman. And it sickens me to know his partner worked in a senior's home....every day at the end of her shift...going home and participating in evil.
I want to live alert....aware....of what's happening around me.....Maybe if we all did that.....children wouldn't be taken.....lives wouldn't be destroyed.....and evil would be diminished.
21 comments:
I saw a part of her interview with Diane Sawyer and I was impressed how strong and mature she had become despite the ordeal she had gone through. Anyone can be inspired from her to see her strength and the way she overcame her storm. Take care sister.
The eyes are the window to the soul
and a beautiful soul you have
I know that toxic shame all too well. Right now I'm having a really tough time dealing with shame related to my body, so I can really empathize with what you're saying.
Is "A Stolen Life" a memoir? Or was it written by someone else?
Wishing you well,
NOS
Is that a good book - let me know.
I think too about the Jews in the Concentration Camps and how guilty they felt for surviving when others didn't - really they were heroes.
Love,
sandie
So brave to read something that reminds you of your own pain Sarah...
You have no need for shame. YOU are a hero.
Hold your head high. It's full of beauty and justice and a courage I admire with every post I read here.
xx
That is a crazy and sad story. It's a good reminder to listen to our intuition when we see something that isn't right pertaining to a child. We should be more concerned with protecting the child than in making a mistake.
Amen!!! we all need to open our eyes to see really see and perhaps save someone from a similiar fate.
Blessings, Joanne
Jaycee's ability to overcome is a powerful testimony that good is stronger than evil. I join with you in hoping that we can live alert to what is going on around us, so that evil could be diminished. God bless you.
Amen! Evil can't destroy us if we don't let it. And the "One who is in us is greater than the one who is in the world", I John 4:4. Praise God for strong women who overcome the evil done to them. You are one of those women.
I read and loved the book, Sarah, especially considering how Jaycee is triumphing over what she went through. The book helped give me hope. Peace and blessings, Olivia
I watched the interview and have "fallen in love" with something I heard: "Surviving is not your shame, but your strength."
I don't think I'm ready to read her book yet, nor do I know if I ever will, but she has given all us survivors proof that shame does not have to rule your life.
Peeking out from my blanket, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, asking God to envelop each of us in His care forever. May goodness reign.
I read with interest about the day Jaycee was discovered. Kidnapped at 11, and discovered only 15 years later... I had wondered then how she could recover all the years that had been stolen from her. A story worth reading indeed.
But so is yours... an amazing story of survival and hope.
Today you are learning to fight in the opposite spirit - that love is stronger than hate. And it heals... and restores.
Love has allowed you to overcome shame, toxic shame. I know all about the debilitating effects and deceptiveness of this kind of shame. Our ministry prays for hundreds of shame survivors month after month. And we rejoice when we see a glimmer of hope... when Jesus exchanges His glory for their shame. Because Jesus already endured our shame on the cross!
Blessings on you as you move forward, upward.
Your words have such a healing effect. Continue to share your ongoing story dear Nikki!
Love
Lidj
I praise you for being so open, vulnerable and honest about your own wounds. The world needs people to tell their stories so we can try to understand their pain. I also love your post from last Wednesday, "Jealousy"....You are courageous.
Hugs,
Mary
I've read some articles about Jaycee - she is a brave soul. Strong and determined - and somehow she has found the way to rise above the horror of her life.
You remind me of her - you are also strong and determined. And by God's grace, and your open acceptance of His love, you are rising above the horror of your earlier circumstances.
There is nothing quite as beautiful as eagles who soar on wings that were once broken...
GOD BLESS - and I join you in eagerly looking forward to the day when we will finally be freed from the presence of evil!
I get courage and inspiration from all I read and hear.
Iknow I am drawing closer to that line where fear no longer strangles me.
Thank you Sarah.
BM
It took a lot of courage for you to read that book. I can only imagine how painful her story is, and how painful it was for you to read it.
Hi precious child of God, Sarah!!
You see, I have been thinking of you, Sarah, and decided to stop by your blog and read today's post. Well, I am impressed as usual to realize that so much wisdom is coming out from your precious heart, Sarah. You see, you have reached out to so many souls worldwide with your amazing blog. You've got lots of followers already. In fact, you were my first follower, and many others joined me after you, Sarah sweetheart. I think, grown-ups adults should take good care of their children, because those children will be the adults of tomorrow. I can relate to many things you are telling in your posts, although I keep quiet many times. In the past, I was ashamed of myself, I felt pretty low with myself, unwanted, unloved, unfit with modern society, lack of self-esteem, the list can go on, and so on...However, I have overcome all these evil situations through my faith in God, my rescuer, my redeemer, my rock of salvation, my best friend, the one who never abandones me. I am not alone, for He, my God, is with me at all times. Thank you, sweet Sarah, for sharing your wisdom, and your true stories with the world!! I follow your amazing blog, and I love it.
God may always bless you, and those you love, Sarah dear!!
In God's Garden,
Poet Starry Dawn.
Thanksforthegiftoflife.blogspot.com
I love the last paragraph. We need to break out of self absorption and really see what is going on around us so we can protect those who need protection.
her story is a tragedy with a happy ending, but it remains a tragedy. the title of her book is perfect. her life was stolen. Like her mother said, her prom, her dates, her graduation. all of it in the hands of evil
Good Morning, sweet Sarah,
Thank you so much for posting such a lovely comment on my blog!!
You see, I posted a wonderful reply for you in My Journals Blog. You are a real inspiration for many folks who follow your true stories worldwide. I am impressed at your deep wisdom. Please, remain in touch!! Don't go away!!
We love you, Sarah dear!!
Blessings,
Poet Starry Dawn.
My Journals Blog:
Journeysandjournalsfromourgalaxy.blogpsot.com
My Poetry Blog: Thanksforthegiftoflife.blogspot.com
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