Shame...not the healthy kind that keeps us from running to the store naked.....
but toxic shame....the kind that makes you believe you're wrong...defective.... not good enough.
Shame....it's power so strong.....it forced me into hiding....living in darkness...holding onto secrets.
Shame.....the glue that kept me stuck....spinning my wheels..spiraling further down into that black hole.
Shame....made me believe lies.....that I was different....wrong....bad.
Shame.....it wouldn't let me look in someone's eyes or worse....have them look in mine. I knew....if they did....they would see...and know....the truth about who and what I was.
Shame...it covered like a blanket....held on like a leech.....fed beliefs that had been ingrained since I could remember.
I'm reading Jaycee Durgard's story, A Stolen Life. I was afraid to read it but I wanted to. I wanted to hear her strength.....read her courage... and remind myself that evil can't destroy us if we don't let it.
Jaycee's story....a reminder of my own in so many ways..... Her words...feelings....thoughts....similiar. Her focus to move forward and her gratitude for all she's been given....the same. Her words confirm....evil can wield so much damage but it can't steal our souls....not if we don't allow it.
I wish there was no evil....I wish children everywhere were safe.....I wish only good was in the world. I hate what happened to Jaycee....the years she had to endure evil in its purest form.....and I hate that her kidnappers were free.....to do what they did....and that nobody noticed a girl, a child, held a prisoner in the backyard enduring the worse at the hands of a madman. And it sickens me to know his partner worked in a senior's home....every day at the end of her shift...going home and participating in evil.
I want to live alert....aware....of what's happening around me.....Maybe if we all did that.....children wouldn't be taken.....lives wouldn't be destroyed.....and evil would be diminished.
