Happy New Year

"Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right." Oprah Winfrey 

A new year....twenty-ten ending.....twenty-eleven about to begin. 

I never cared about the start of a new year...or an old one ending. It didn't matter. The one just seemed to melt into the other....Everything stayed the same...no changes....no real purpose. 

Now....I feel this excitement....and a hope for a great year. My head is swimming with things I want to try...stuff I want to accomplish.  And I have this strong hope...that maybe in some way I can make a difference for somebody....use what I lived to show that life does change and things do turn around....

Something else that's different...I have this desire to want to kick back.... laugh....and have fun. Not take life so seriously. I've always lived on the edge....on guard...waiting for the bomb to drop.

Last night my 14 year old snuggled up to me. She said something that started the two of us laughing. Everytime either of us tried to talk...we burst out laughing. And some friends came over....for five hours we talked and laughed. No one wanted to leave. And I was okay. I often feel I have to pump myself up to stay present even for an hour or two....

We're invited for breakfast to a friends.....and other friends invited us out for supper and then a party at their place.  I said yes to both even though I feel  overwhelmed. My natural instinct is to pull back...say no....not go....but this time...even though I feel uneasy just thinking about it.....I won't back out...I'll go...

The fighter in me survived the streets...rape.....drugs...an eating disorder - I can use that same fight to push past all the tough feelings.  I'll keep telling myself I can do this. 

Twenty-eleven....it's gonna be a great year! Happy New Year guys....I wish you all peace and freedom and His love.