Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Take Back the Night

"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest." Maya Angelou

     For the first time, I took my girls to Take Back the Night. I stood in the darkness with other women and children - listening to the speaker talk about her daughter who was murdered - murdered by a man who should have been in prison - a man who had raped and murdered women - not once - many times. Why was he still allowed to roam the streets?

     She said most rape victims don't go to the police, don't charge the rapist, don't come forward. The justice system makes it too difficult. Most women fear not being believed, being blamed or shamed in some way....so they never tell.

     I stood shivering in the cold night air- holding the hands of my girls - listening to women share their survival stories and for the first time -  I knew - I was one of them. 

     I have lived in a fog - separate from that part of myself that fought so hard to survive - not believing what happened really happened. Minimizing it - telling myself it was no big deal. 

     Everytime I've written a post - I've held my breath - waiting - waiting for someone to email me with I don't believe you. It's not true. You made this up.


     Why doesn't somebody stop all this violence? It's not just in some far off land but right here in our cities, our towns, our communities. Why can't we just stop it?

          I had no voice - I couldn't talk. I couldn't speak. The words were caught inside. I took everything out on my body. I hurt myself like I had been hurt, but those who hurt me lived free and I found out I wasn't the only one they hurt.


     Silence keeps the shame and keeps the secret. It perpetuates the cycle of violence. I can't be silent anymore. I want my voice to give hope - I'm praying God will help me speak - help me not to be silent -help me to have my voice. 
     The fear of being seen is so strong. But He is stronger. He broke so many chains off me. He can do this too. And He let me live. I want to tell. I need to tell.





     







19 comments:

Just Be Real said...

Dear one He is helping you to speak out, beginning right here with your blog. The individuals that you reach (even the ones that do not comment) you are touching many hearts!!!

The rally you took your girls to must have been really powerful dear one! You did stand up, you do have a voice!!! One day Sarah, you could be a spokesperson at that and many rallies. You do have story to tell!!

Sarah YOU WILL TELL!!!

((((Sarah))))

RCUBEs said...

You're taking it one step at a time and there's nothing wrong with that...But I see you moving forward, not backwards. It's not easy and it is easier for me to say, but I know that there is One Who doesn't change and when He promised to "never leave you nor forsake you", I know that He remains faithful and true...Sister, even if I don't know you in person, you are an encouragement to me...all because of your written words for now...I can't imagine when you use your voice to make these words powerful...In His perfect time...with His strength...with His power...you will overcome...God bless.

Deb said...

He's using you right now.

Your words.

Your heart.

Your pain.

Your healing.

And you're enlightening us.

Sweet dreams.

Prayer Girl said...

AND WE ARE LOVING LISTENERS.

I BELIEVE! I BELIEVE YOU!

PG

Susan said...

Thank you for telling.
I believe you.
I'm someone else that never told... and your voice helps give me back mine too.
Thank you.
((((hugs))))

Denise said...

I believe you, and I thank you for being brave enough to share your story. Greater is He that is within you, than the evil one who is in the world. I love you.

Wanda's Wings said...

Yes we believe you. Continue to speak out. Yell it! Scream it. Get the word out. You are a special gift from God. Never forget that. {{{hugs}}}

Andrea said...

I am continuing to pray that GOD will bind up the fear and turn lose the words HE has for you to speak. I am thankful I am watching you journey toward the mark.
He loves you and so do I!
Blessings, andrea

speck of dust said...

Why do we NOT tell? To protect ourselves. God is within you. There is a right time for everything. Listen to yourself, look after yourself, be good to yourself. I have realised I can tell small bits about myself to some people. My experiences will always affect every aspect of my life. I am who I am because of my experiences but i am not my experiences. I live my story as I live my life in the present, being present. Everyone has their own journey to go on. Personally for me, other people writing books, speaking out, didn't really help me. So I don't feel a responsibility to 'spill the beans'. Therapy, yoga, meditation, learning about myself and looking after myself has helped me most. Love yourself first :)

Gin said...

You are doing such healthy things for you and your daughter! You are amazing! We are listening, keep writing!

Anonymous Drifter said...

Let your voice be heard ... loud!

VICKI IN AZ said...

Hello Sarah.
This is amazing. I hope you got my email. If you didn't write to me so I can send it again if I have the wrong address.

Mary said...

Deb said it so well!!

God is already using you

your words
your heart
your pain
your healing
your willingness to trust God
and step out when it is uncomfortable
and scary.

Mark said...

Very powerful! Yes, we need and can end the violence, it has to be done on a conscious level across all of humanity.

Wonderingsoul said...

Here and listening and believing every word Sarah.
I cannot fully share the horror of your experiences having never been subject to such horrors but I understand well the terrible fear of not being believed... and the pain of having to minimise all that you feel.
For what it's worth Sarah, you have been a huge encouragement to me in your honest and beautiful writing here, and in your lovely comments on my blog.
You will find words and ways...

Take good care.
x

Marsha said...

I wish I knew what to say. You leave me with many thoughts, many of them concurring with your own questions. I too wonder why these people are allowed to continue preying on our innocence.

Pete Hoge said...

Nice to meet you.

May God soak your heart in blessings.

Pete.

Colleen said...

People need to be educated and it will take voices like ours, speaking for those who cannot!

Rohini said...
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