Take Back the Night

"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest." Maya Angelou

     For the first time, I took my girls to Take Back the Night. I stood in the darkness with other women and children - listening to the speaker talk about her daughter who was murdered - murdered by a man who should have been in prison - a man who had raped and murdered women - not once - many times. Why was he still allowed to roam the streets?

     She said most rape victims don't go to the police, don't charge the rapist, don't come forward. The justice system makes it too difficult. Most women fear not being believed, being blamed or shamed in some way....so they never tell.

     I stood shivering in the cold night air- holding the hands of my girls - listening to women share their survival stories and for the first time -  I knew - I was one of them. 

     I have lived in a fog - separate from that part of myself that fought so hard to survive - not believing what happened really happened. Minimizing it - telling myself it was no big deal. 

     Everytime I've written a post - I've held my breath - waiting - waiting for someone to email me with I don't believe you. It's not true. You made this up.


     Why doesn't somebody stop all this violence? It's not just in some far off land but right here in our cities, our towns, our communities. Why can't we just stop it?

          I had no voice - I couldn't talk. I couldn't speak. The words were caught inside. I took everything out on my body. I hurt myself like I had been hurt, but those who hurt me lived free and I found out I wasn't the only one they hurt.


     Silence keeps the shame and keeps the secret. It perpetuates the cycle of violence. I can't be silent anymore. I want my voice to give hope - I'm praying God will help me speak - help me not to be silent -help me to have my voice. 
     The fear of being seen is so strong. But He is stronger. He broke so many chains off me. He can do this too. And He let me live. I want to tell. I need to tell.