Saturday, June 19, 2010

Being Seen...Being Heard

Intimacy is being seen and known as the person you truly are. Amy Bloom
 
I've spent a lot time hiding....trying hard to be invisible...not wanting to be seen. To be seen...meant to be hurt. 
 
Shame - consumed me.....kept me from living free.
Shame - made me believe I was wrong...
Shame - made me feel lower than a snake
Shame - unable to look people in their eyes...or worse have them look in mine. 
Shame - kept me from being present....kept me from being seen.
 
I could never talk.....never tell the truth of what happened. But things are changing. Through writing....and blogging....I've found my voice. I'm being heard and in some way...seen.  
There's so much I want to say. Sometimes I wonder....if my words can make a difference....even for one...who also can't speak....who'se still living in the dark....reaching for freedom..
I just found out my book won a TWG award and had an honorable mention for their highest award. It feels like validation. Someone knows...and my voice is being heard. 
 
Yet still.....There are times....I need to hide.....in the dark...in the woods....alone....unable to be seen....wondering if what I say makes any sense....
 
Being seen....Being heard.... 
 
I want to be heard. I'm afraid but something inside drives me...pushes me forward...to say yes to those people and organizations who ask if I would speak in the Fall...and share my story. 

Talking...speaking...being seen. I have the summer to kick the fear of standing up...of being seen...and being heard.




22 comments:

Karen said...

I am SO thankful that you found your voice and that I am part of the blessed ones that have heard you...

Congratulations on the award!! You are making such a difference in so many lives.....

NOS said...

It sounds like you are gaining confidence and strength. Wonderful! And I love to "hear" your voice, so keep on writing and being yourself!

Congratulations on your award! You should be very proud. I'm proud of you.

Wishing you well,
NOS

(By the way, this is a very appropriate post given what I have been going through.)

imaginenamaste said...

I'm so glad I read this today :) Be heard. You have AMAZING things to say.

Denise said...

Congrats, so proud of you. I knew you could do it. Your voice is being heard, you are making a beautiful difference in the world. I love you.

MTJ said...

Hi Sarah,

For many, the past can be a haunting present. Past fears can be overwhelming and paralyzing but facing them, talking about them, sharing them with others helps dispel the fears of our past.

There is liberation and concern in your words. Liberation from our past fears heals. Concern for others ushers in an openness to care.

Congratulations on receiving your writing award. I'm certain when you stand up, you'll do so with courage, conviction and concern.

MTJ

Just_because_today said...

the fact that you made such a change in your life, is enough to give anyone hope. Thank you

Peter Stone said...

Hi Sarah,
Your words are making a difference, you are sharing a message that needs to be heard. Congrats on the TWG award, that's awesome. Peoples lives are being touched by your testimony. God bless

Finding Pam said...

You have an incredible story to tell and they will be touched by your words just as we have been.

I know God will fill you up when you need to speak. Wonderful award and recoginition for your life's work.

You are an inspiration to all and a voice to those who have not found their voice.

Dulce said...

I don't think hiding from time to time is that bad, neither is it showing openly our soul through our best window> our EYES. I am sure yours are really beautiful, more when you smile.

Thanks for this and everything
hugs
D.

Kelee Katillac said...

I love that quote and congratulate you on your courage and voice!

love, kelee

Paula said...

Dear Sarah, doing a lot of shame work here on the way to. Passed a very old beautiful and spiritual jewish graveyard here and got a card for you. Couldnt take pics as it was raining so much. If you care send me your address and i will send the card to you. If you want obvioulsy only. Love and hugs to you

Terri Tiffany said...

So happy to hear about your award!!! whoo hoo! You are making an awesome difference:))

Brian Miller said...

with finding ones voice comes the responsibility to share it...i think you will find that strength...if nothing else it fights the shame...congrats on the honors...

kimberly said...

At 43, I still cannot look into people's eyes. It's always our shame no matter how old we get or how much time elapses.
Blessings in Him~

Mary LA said...

I am so glad you are able to speak and write for those of us who are listening. Being heard helped me to find my voice and trust my own story.

V said...

I finally realised WHY I'VE BEEN READING THIS POST ON OFF ON OFF!!!!!
i have been hiding a part of myself. And if it wasn't for you, planting your hidden seed, i would have NEVER seen it in my own life!
Thank you so much!!!
And don't give up - go do the seminars. Share your story because the more you share, the more you'll feel at ease with it!!!

God Whispers said...

Super post Sarah. Thank you always dear for sharing from your heart! Blessings and (((Sarah))))

Pet said...

Thank you, great and encouraging read.

Lynda Young said...

Your words make a massive difference. Keep writing. Keeping speaking up. Keeping being seen.

Hugs

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Sarah -

Thanks for visiting my blog. I've become a Follower here.

BTW, you can view my posts by going to the comments and then clicking on read original post. (One of my commenters told me that's how she overcomes the browser problem)

Blessings,
Susan :)

Colleen said...

I have been away welcoming a new grandchild to this world! New babies give me hope. Isnt it healing to find our voices? Hugs.

Syd said...

I'm so glad that you got the award. It is validation of your story and your writing. Let your Higher Power be there when you speak. You aren't alone.