Sunday, July 11, 2010

A Witness

 
"....for the dead and the living, we must bear witness." Eli Wiesel 

A German publisher asked to review my book. They're considering translating it to sell in Germany. It's not a sure thing but I'm blown away that they're even considering it. A book store yesterday took 20 of my books and told me they want to help me find a distributor...and someone else is wanting to help me get my book out into a wider audience. I am blown away by all this....and by the kindness and support I've recieved. 

Funny how I never wanted anyone to know any of the stuff that happened or what I did to survive. Now I want to be a witness that freedom is possible....that there is a way out of darkness...of pain....and mostly from the shame that is like sticky paper - so hard to get out from under.  

I've stopped asking why....why I survived and others didn't. Why I lived...when others took their lives...or died by accident or lived but can't shake the depression or chronic pain or addiction to medications or food or something......

I want to stand up....be a witness....a witness that no matter what we lived...no matter what happened.....we can be free. What ever happened to us doesn't define who are are...or even who we become.

It's painful to remember...but I want to walk back into the darkness....into that silence....to that place that held so much shame from which I thought I would never be free - for the reason....of helping someone else find freedom. To give hope to not to give up....to never to give up....

And I want to show the power of His gentleness that broke through and gave me the freedom. When I close my eyes.....when I'm quiet.....and alone...the memories are right there....fighting so hard to survive....alone....not believing  I would ever be free....living so close to the edge....and to death....unable to look anyone in their eyes....or have them look into mine......ripping my arms, shooting up, throwing up...just to make it through a day......And then....just like that....He touched me. His gentle touch changed everything....gave me hope....and the courage to fight even harder...and to make it out of the darkness. And all I know....if I can make it out...anybody can.....





24 comments:

Finding Pam said...

Sarah, that is awesome news! I believe in you and it is good you help others realize that they are not alone. You bare witness to this and are living proof that hope is possible.

What a amazing testimony. I am saddened that not everyone survives, but for those of us that do I am so thankful to God for his will not mine.

Terri Tiffany said...

I'm excited to hear this!! Whoo hoo!

NOS said...

Congratulations about your book! That's awesome.

And I think you are more than a witness-- you are a survivor. You are such an example for me. For us all.

Wishing you well,
NOS

MTJ said...

Congratulations on your book Sarah,

May God continue to use you to show others they can make it out of the darkness.

MTJ

Dianne said...

Happy Sunday, Sarah! I am so thrilled for you over all that is happening concerning your book. May the God of your victory be exalted through this!

Crown of Beauty said...

Dear friend, I have gone to Dolores Ayotte's site after reading your Flashback post...and just found out you also have this blog...and that your name is Nikki. That did something for me, discovering your name. I mean, it's not like you were keeping it secret, but there was something that lit up in me to know it. It's like a deeper connection to you was forged...yes, that there is something in this discovery that connects me to you in a life-changing, life giving way.

I view my relationships that way - some are superficial, and not much can happen that way, but then there is a kind of friendship, which even in its initial stages, promise to be a well of comfort, understanding... a fellow sojourner in the darkness of the night, or the heat of the day.

Thank you for having such courage to share your story.

Maybe someday, I can get hold of your precious book. So precious indeed, so valuable.

The declaration and proclamation of your name is your weapon against the kingdom of darkness. Craig Hill, founder of the ministry I am working with (based in Colorado USA) said that. And yes it's true.

I praise God for the discovery of you.

Love
Lidj

Grace said...

Sarah, I had the honor of reading your book. It is an honest and poignant recounting if the abuse you SURVIVED. I think you are amazing your undying strength pulls me through at times, and I'm sure I"m not the only one
My heart, Grace

Denise said...

I am beyond proud and happy for you sis. I love you for your stength, courage, and for just being you.

Just Be Real said...

Sweet post dear one. You are a woman of great courage and voice! I am excited for you and in awe how God is moving your story to other parts of the world. Amen! ((((Sarah))))

Finally Free said...

Sarah,
Congratulations to you. It's amazing all the blessings that our Heavenly Father has for us.
When I read yours posts ,they bring tears to my eyes. I don't know if I ever said this before, but I believe the Holy Spirit is so present when you write your posts. They always touch me somewhere deep in my Spirit. You always inspire me to be better. :)

Thanks for sharing,

Blessings,
Tammy

Susan Deborah said...

Sarah,

You are a celebrity by all standards!!! Honoured to be writing in your place. Smiles.

In his time, he will do everything. We are more than conquerors and that is being reverberated in your life. Praise God!!!!

Lots more to come.

Joy and love,
Susan

Paula said...

Congrats form the German side :-) Would be wonderful. Whilst it is so very hard for everyone to speak up and stand up for oneself, writing it out in public like you did, is not very common in Germany. I fully understand that they are keen on it. Hope you are ok. Love to you, still walking

Deborah Ann said...

Looks like God is taking your story places. Congrats! I pray that God continues to heal your heart, and the hearts of those being ministered to by your testimony.

Lily said...

Sarah I am so excited for you! What a wonderful opportunity to reach so many people. You are such a wonderful person and have such a giving spirit. I pray that this works out for you!

Just_because_today said...

you have a beautiful story to tell, your strength is beautiful.

Sheila Deeth said...

Wow! That is wonderful news, and verifies that you really do have a wonderful story to tell. Congratulations.

Peter Stone said...

Sarah, this is just wonderful. And it confirms that people need to hear your story, of God's comforting gentleness and ability to set them free from things like this, just as He set you free.
God bless :)

Karen said...

This is more than awesome! I am so happy for you!

God always has a plan....

Wanda's Wings said...

Wow. Sounds like things are really going well. You are such an inspiration an hope for those who so disparately need it. Hugs my friend.

abitosunshine said...

Great news on your book, home and abroad!

Blessings & a bit o' sunshine!
Ruthi
http://ruthireads.blogspot.com

Maggie May said...

That was beautiful to read.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Mary said...

Sarah, congratulations! In the telling your story you let others know they are not alone, and enables them to come out of hiding and speak the truth. You give them hope. And you point them to the one that gives life and freedom. You point them to the one who can heal.

I am thankful for you and your great courage. For the heart you have for those hurting.

with much love,
Mary

Colleen said...

I love that quote from Eli. And I believe I need to do that. Congrats on your book doing well and bearing witness!

Yet said...

Woe. Sounds like blessings are birthing from your struggles! By the way, I love the way you write. You draw me in...