Friday, September 24, 2010

I did it!!!

"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak...." Winston Churchill

I did it. I talked in front of people...not in the dark....with the lights on. I didn't run...or hide. At first...I wanted to....I thought of excuses to get out of talking...and when I was sitting there in that auditorium....I felt myself drifting. I fought it...I forced myself to stay present.  Knowing people are in my corner....that I'm not running alone anymore......helped. It took the edge off. 

Courage....I feel it....inside.....growing bigger than the fear....the fear that tortured me for so long...that held me back....kept me in the dark....forced me to hide....taunting me everyday like a relentless bully. 

For a long time...it won out.....keeping me cornered...running scared....feeling not only its sting, but also that of its counterpart....shame. 

Courage...running in the woods.....feeling His presence....watching the blueherons in flight....
Courage....blogging....connecting to some of the best people on the planet....you guys....
Courage....my kids....wanting to shine for them....to be their hero.....and show not just tell...they can do whatever they imagine....and be whoever they want.
Courage - it feels different than moving in fear.....this amazing sense of lightness...and freedom...

I'm glad He let me live. When it was so dark....living on life's edge.....I could never imagine life being any different than the pain and fear and shame of what it was. I don't know why I hung on and fought so hard to survive when friends of mine gave up and lost their hold on life.  Why me...not them? For a long time I kept asking myself that. But I did live. And because I did....I want to make a difference. I want to reflect hope....and show freedom is possible.....and living with no hope can be turned to know hope.  

Something I found out....when you're standing alone in the pitch black.....and you can't see any way ray of hope to get out......if you hang on with all your might...grit your teeth in determination....refuse to never let go...never give up.....in time the Light will shine in the darkness and things will get better...

 

 

31 comments:

Terri Tiffany said...

Hurray! Praising God for your courage!

RCUBEs said...

That won't be the first...nor the last sister...And as you yield to His leading, nothing will go wrong. Glory be to God! God bless and take care and "be strong" :)

Finally Free said...

Sarah,
Your courage is inspiring. I am so happy for you and for all the ones who were touched by your story.

Blessings,
Tammy

MyThought said...

That's great! Happy for you!!
I also had huge problems to talk in front of people and now I have fun doing it :)
Hugs <3
Andrea

MTJ said...

Hi Sarah,

I feel a genuine sense of pride and joy for you. I'm thankful that as God encouraged you, you found the courage to speak; to give a voice and identity to the fear and shame. Keep shining your light Sarah.

Blessings and peace.

MTJ

Andrea said...

Praising GOD...HE has brought you out of the darkness into the light. Knowing the freedom has only just begun, my friend!
Hugs,
andrea

Paula said...

Courage doesnt replace fear. But courage menas to executed something inspite of the fear. Hurray. well done. You go girl!

NOS said...

Congratulations on having the courage to speak! That's really, really impressive. I admire you.

And as for the "why me, not them?" thing-- I can definitely relate. I have a friend whom I met in ED treatment who lost her life to suicide a week after she was discharged. I always wonder why she died and not me. It's a really tough thing to live with.

Thank you for your continual support on my blog. I really appreciate it. It makes a difference.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Dianne said...

I am beaming and I know God's chest must be puffed out really big. His child did it!! I am so proud of you dear Sarah!

Love,
Dianne

Catherine said...

That's awesome Sarah! So proud of you!

steveroni said...

Well Sarah, I am also glad He let you live...and many of us have said at times, "Why me...and not them?"

Who could ever know. All we can do is what you are doing, working with what you have to give back the best product you have to give (through your own experience): FREEDOM from FEAR!

Proverbs 27:19 said...

Hey Sarah! I'm glad for you speaking "in the light." I am also enjoying your book! Not done yet, but it's great so far! Thanks for having the courage to publish it!

smooches,
Larie

Crown of Beauty said...

You are now on the threshold of a new endeavor. Having found your voice, through writing, God is now opening doors of opportunity for you to use it, through speaking.

You have a God given power, and more of it will come as you continue to write, and speak, as His mouthpiece to this generation.

Roar on, may the Spirit of the Lion of Judah fill your heart. My prayer for you.

Love
Lidj

A girl needs 2 Talk said...

The last two paragraphs took my breath away! You are my hero for today!! :) Have a happy weekend!

mya said...

It is all coming together. You already had the words, and now you have the voice. Powerful combination.

Just Be Real said...

Yippee! So proud of you dear one! God is blessing you through your words to others that are hurting! What a plan He has for you! Amen, and I am excited to be a witness to it. Blessings.

Denise said...

Amen, so very, very proud of you. I love you.

Dissertation Writing service said...

Despite the bulk of information online we often fail to get the specific information which is needed this post is good & contains relevant information that I was in quest of .I appreciate your efforts in preparing this post.

Doctoral dissertation proposal

Dolores Ayotte said...

Yeah Nikki,
Courage...can be found even in the darkest moments. All we need to do is light our own candle. It comes from within as you have so richly discovered. Good for you! :)

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Good for you! That's awesome.

Dulce said...

So glad you DID it. It is really an experience this you've lived... all those thoughts and especially the conclusions you've come to.... Happy for you!
;)

Tonjia said...

I'm so proud of you. You have awesome courage.

Passionate Blogger said...

That's really inspiring. Congratulation and you're really awesome.

Gaia said...

People like you, gives people like me courage. I had not been through what you had, but if I were to give up, it would be a disgrace. Blessings dear.

Ellen said...

"...Something I found out....when you're standing alone in the pitch black.....and you can't see any way ray of hope to get out......if you hang on with all your might...grit your teeth in determination....refuse to never let go...never give up.....in time the Light will shine in the darkness and things will get better..."

Beautiful lines!

V said...

Sarah YOU are my hero!
You are so blooming brave woman that you just make me wana BE brave!!!
Our battles have never been close to the same but you've always helped me. I've always found comfort in your words. When I'm struggling and come on my mobile 2 read my blogs, i check o o did Sarah post!
You've helped me a ton. And if I'm made in God's image and you're a hero to me then it's settled, you are one and you're just too cool

Deborah Ann said...

Awesome, Sarah! I'm so happy for you. Was it a speaking engagement for your book? I know someday I'll be doing the same thing. I can't even picture how I'll be able to do that, but GOD!

Look where He's taking you! This is huge...

Sheila Deeth said...

That's so great!

Just_because_today said...

you have delivered the message, you know that? and in doing so you have helped so many

Patrina's Pencil said...

Light belongs in darkness...just keep walking...it will be OK!

Always good to connect with your heart, thanks for sharing

Patrina <")>><

Chatty Crone said...

I've seen this on a bumper sticker - speak up even if it is just a whisper... sandie