Thursday, December 16, 2010

I Rise

"Just like moons and suns, with certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise." Maya Angelou

I never thought I could ever say what Maya Angelou penned....'still I'll rise.' I never believed I could ever recover...or heal...or kick habits that held me captive and threatened to completely break me. I never considered that life could ever give back in ways that was different from anything I had known before. 

I knew how to fight....and how to survive. It never dawned on me I could be happy....or feel content....or live life with expectancy. My focus was only on getting through one day to the next - and getting there alive. 

In writing and publishing my story....in sharing what happened...I've begun to realize...there's a strength in me that's more than just a fighter mentality. It's more than just simple courage. It's a hunger....a thirst to experience life...to be a part of it in ways I never had before. Part of experiencing it is to connect with people around me...not just in brokenness but in passion...and adventure...and excitement and love.

I don't want to just survive anymore. I want to thrive. I want to face life square on...and not be afraid. That strength in me.....I feel it. It's there. Passion...and courage...it's there also. And more than that....I feel this peace...and a trusting that even if I can't  see the whole picture...somehow things will come together.

I've been meeting new people....experiencing new situations. The need to pull back isn't as strong. I'm not so afraid to be present...and when I am...when fear kicks in...I tell myself it's okay....I tell myself just be real. And I've noticed...those feelings pass.

I used to believe....I had no right to exist. Now....I want to feel the softness of life. Now I believe each one of us...has the right...to live free. And besides...with Him in my corner...running with me....I'm not alone more.

23 comments:

Wanda said...

Praise God for the new things He's doing in your life Sarah. I can relate to much of what you've said. Blessings to you and hope you enjoy a very Merry Christmas. I'm doing a giveaway over at my place if your interested.

Myriam said...

So beautiful Nikki! You're an inspiration! My hope is that one day soon I'll get to the point where you're now. Keep writing!

My Big Secret Blog :) said...

I love that last paragraph! It defines the "you" that I know! :)

NOS said...

I love that poem-- "I Still Rise." I remember my therapist read that to me at my graduation ceremony from treatment. It means a lot to me.

You deserve to thrive, Sarah! And it sounds like you're doing it. You should be able to have anything you want in life.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Mya said...

Hooray for Sarah.
You ended this post powerfully.
There may be moments, even days that you might not feel that strong. That is normal; we all do.
But, you have had the experience, so you know what it feels like, and you know the truth that it comes from. I have tears in my eyes right now - happy tears for you.

Crown of Beauty said...

The enemy planned to steal your destiny and silence your voice...but after trying so hard to break you...yes, even kill you, God turned this evil plan around, redeemed it, and He is not finished yet.

The glorious recovery of your life has only begun, Nikki. Those of us who have begun to know your story are cheering you on!
Yes, rise... your very own resurrection story!

Love
Lidj

Mary said...

Honey I see that fight, that strength, that passion being used for others who have no voice yet. I had been thinking for a time that I wanted you to be able to relax and not have that "fight" continue to be such a part of you. But I think God has other plans...I think he is using all that and more so you can fight for those who cannot yet.

And when that fear comes back, God is your strength, your warrior.

Sarah, you are a warrior princess on the side of good!!!

Grace and peace

Finding Pam said...

What an amazing post! It is filled with so much hope. You deserve joy and happiness over flowing abundantely.

You continue to inspire all of us. You are so worthy of this joy.

I am still working on finding myself. It is a journey of self disclosure often filled with doubt and anxiety.

Paula said...

I nodded several times through this post! For so long I believed I had to right to be. Day by day I become more myself, every day I love life more. Hugs to you

The Angulo's said...

Thank you for stopping by our blog yesterday!

This post you made struck a chord with me too.

If you are interested you could come back and read my testimony. It's in my sidebar entitled "How God Changed My Life."

We are your newest followers!

Blessings!

Mrs. A

Lady Rose said...

Sarah,

You've given me much to reflect upon in this post.

Blessings,

-Lady Rose

MTJ said...

Hi Sarah,

It is so affirming to realize, I'm never alone; the Lord is with me.

Knowing where I once was, and seeing how distant I am from that place has taught me how the word of God can resurrect a life.

You enthuse me with words of encouragement, I'm thankful that our paths have crossed.

Blessings and peace.

MTJ

Chatty Crone said...

I am so very glad and thrilled that you have found it in you to want to experience life and not just survive it. Awesome.

sandie

Sharon Kirby said...

Sarah - I'm praising God for the transformation He is accomplishing in your life. I can think of no one more deserving. Live free and be real. A pretty good New Year's resolution I think!!

It's truly a miracle that any of us ever possess the strength to rise - In fact, we don't. It is only the power that raised Jesus from the dead that lives in us. And that power has worked mightily in your life!

I feel like I am standing on your sidelines, watching you blossom and thrive - and I am shouting at the top of my lungs, "GO, Sarah - run with passion!!"

GOD BLESS!

Southern Gal said...

Experiencing life and not just surviving it. Amen. I pray your life is filled with the softness. Merry Christmas to you.

Just_because_today said...

not survive but thrive, how wonderful. You are in a good place now. When we are beginning the healing, it seems we are never getting there to the other side of pain. You have made it and from your experience others gain hope so thank you

Terri Tiffany said...

I like that you don't just want to survive--but thrive!! Awesome way to look at life!
I hope your Christmas is wonderful!!

Julie Musil said...

Your inner strength shines through with each post. No, we are not alone.

covnitkepr1 said...

I’ve been following and enjoying your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Sarah,

I hardly dared to breathe while I read this post... I know from your beautiful words and comments on my blog, that you and I share some similarities... Like you, I cannot believe that I will ever be able to live happily...

Your post offers me a hope I just don't dare to believe in... Bur perhaps one day... I don't know.

I'm so glad that you have found light Sarah.

I mean that with all my heart.

X

Just Be Real said...

You will always be an inspiration to me dear one. Thank you for the beautiful Christmas card as well. Touched my heart. You are a blessings.....

Deborah Ann said...

My dear sister...I pray you will experience many new things from now on...things you won't be afraid of, things you will welcome and embrace. I know you will, because I know the God you love.

Merry CHRISTmas and Happy New Year!

P.S. I would be happy to write a book review for your blog. I still plan on posting my own review as well...

*~Christine~* said...

I love Maya Angelou, and I love how you related her words to your life. Amen on trying to finally thrive instead of just survive. You deserve that. Good luck, Miss Sarah.