I Rise

"Just like moons and suns, with certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I'll rise." Maya Angelou

I never thought I could ever say what Maya Angelou penned....'still I'll rise.' I never believed I could ever recover...or heal...or kick habits that held me captive and threatened to completely break me. I never considered that life could ever give back in ways that was different from anything I had known before. 

I knew how to fight....and how to survive. It never dawned on me I could be happy....or feel content....or live life with expectancy. My focus was only on getting through one day to the next - and getting there alive. 

In writing and publishing my story....in sharing what happened...I've begun to realize...there's a strength in me that's more than just a fighter mentality. It's more than just simple courage. It's a hunger....a thirst to experience life...to be a part of it in ways I never had before. Part of experiencing it is to connect with people around me...not just in brokenness but in passion...and adventure...and excitement and love.

I don't want to just survive anymore. I want to thrive. I want to face life square on...and not be afraid. That strength in me.....I feel it. It's there. Passion...and courage...it's there also. And more than that....I feel this peace...and a trusting that even if I can't  see the whole picture...somehow things will come together.

I've been meeting new people....experiencing new situations. The need to pull back isn't as strong. I'm not so afraid to be present...and when I am...when fear kicks in...I tell myself it's okay....I tell myself just be real. And I've noticed...those feelings pass.

I used to believe....I had no right to exist. Now....I want to feel the softness of life. Now I believe each one of us...has the right...to live free. And besides...with Him in my corner...running with me....I'm not alone more.