Friday, February 4, 2011

Home

"I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself." Maya Angelou

The week away was fun....but the last couple of days....all I wanted was to go home. When we drove into our driveway I felt relief. And when we opened the door and stepped inside.....I breathed....a deep breath. Being home felt so good.  I walked into every room....looked at all our things....still there...in the same places...untouched...unchanged. Their presence calming...comforting...soothing.

Home....a word that holds so much meaning.
Home....familiar...reasuring....safe. 
At home...in my house - I belong....I feel safe. I'm not afraid. 

For a long time I had this terrible ache...deep inside....a cry...'I want to go home. I just want to go home.' I had no home to go to. No family where I belonged. No safe place where I could kick back...let go...and catch a breathe from life. All I knew was how to fight to survive.....to make it from one day to the next on my own...alone...on the streets....everything always changing... places...people....things. Even now sometimes I feel a need to fight. I have to consciously tell myself that need doesn't exist anymore. It's gone.

Home....it's more than just bricks and morter. It's a sense of belonging to myself....being comfortable in my own skin. I never did. I walked around detached...separate from myself.  I believed anyone had the right to do anything they wanted to me or to my body.  My body wasn't mine. I felt awkward in it...as if it didn't fit quite right..

Coming home to me has been a long hard journey. I couldn't stop from falling further and further away from myself.....and deeper into the darkness....not until He touched me....made a difference... showed that I do belong...that I am loved.

"There's no place like home." Dorothy, Wizard of Oz

18 comments:

Denise said...

Such precious words, welcome home sis. I love you.

Paula said...

Very true. Good that we are able to create this home for us, keep shaping it and accept it with a grateful heart as what it is: HOME
Love up North.

My Big Secret Blog :) said...

Being "Home" feels beautiful inside out. I identify with what you felt. Stay good, feeling peaceful.

Lady Rose said...

Sarah,

Yes, it's true that home is a wonderful place, but it's not so wonderful if the people inside it are not kind and loving to one another.

I'm glad that you have finally found a place to call home. It certainly is not fun to be "out in the cold" without the shelter of a loving family.

-Lady Rose

Mary said...

I understand the home thing.
I love to go places, but if gone too long I miss home. Something about home!

I am glad you had a good time. :)

Dianne said...

Oh Sarah, I am loving this--yes, I love my home and I am so thankful that I am blessed in that way.

To me, this is one of my all-time favorites of your posts. Great job.

Welcome home!

Love,
Dianne

Susan said...

Oh, isn't it so true? There's no place like home, that's for sure. Every time I drive into our driveway and see our house, it brings a smile to my lips. I feel so blessed, as you do. Susan

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Sarah -

Your posts get to the core of issues. I'm so glad I discovered your blog.

Thank you for visiting my blog and commenting. It's very much appreciated. :)

Blessings,
Susan

Crown of Beauty said...

You know Nikki, I really love the words you write, straight from your heart. So honest, so true...not hiding from the pain that you used to feel, and now rejoicing and celebrating the place of freedom you are in.

It heals your readers, and I for one am able to rejoice with you. My story may be different from yours, but we all have that longing to belong, to find a home where we will be missed if we don't show up.

Welcome home, dear Nikki.

Love
Lidj

Sharon Kirby said...

And no home quite so warm and welcoming as the gracious arms of our Lord.

A place to curl up, safe - and be loved.

GOD BLESS, Sarah!

Surprised By Joy! said...

Welcome Back, sweet Sarah. (((Sarah)))

Blessings,
Tammy

Chatty Crone said...

I so so relate to this. And my second favorite movie is the Wizard of Oz - you can study all the psychological meanings of it and of all the characters (on the internet) and I think it will be quite interesting to you.

Your home is your safe place. A place where no one can hurt you again. You can be yourself. The walls protect.

Glad you had a good time, and that you made it HOME.

Love,
sandie

pam said...

Thanks for peeking into my world. Like you I am so thankful that He can redeem anything. Long ago I found my "real" home with Him. The horror I grew up with is a distant memory that no longer has to control. It is quite a journey...redemption. And how GLORIOUS to finally be able to receive perfect Love.

NOS said...

Welcome home, Sarah! It's great that you have a place that makes you feel safe. I think that if you have a physically safe place to be it's easy to feel safe emotionally.

Wishing you well,
NOS

Jean said...

Welcome home.

Wonderingsoul said...

Reading your words about 'home' being comfortable in your own skin had a strange resonance for me... Somewhere really deep and wordless I feel as though I am always 'on the run'... Not because I have suffered some terrible childhood, and not because I have ever experienced homeLESSness... but somehow because I seem to be running away from SOMETHING all the time. I'm just not sure what that 'something' is.

Welcome back Sarah.
I'm so glad that you have found your home and that it holds such warmth for you.
You deserve every tiny inch of it.
You are beautiful.
And I really mean that.
xxx

Connie Arnold said...

There really is no place like home when that's where you belong, can be who you are, and the where the ones you love are. Glad you have felt that touch of love and are home, Sarah.

Patti Hanan said...

I love how you say that everything changed when He touched you. God can heal the deepest wounds. I am glad I found your blog. Thank you for visiting mine. God bless you.