"Such a feeling's coming over me.....there's a wonder in everything I see. Not a cloud in the sky....Got the sun in my eyes....and I won't be surprised if it's a dream." Karen Carpenter
At the lowest darkest point in my life...someone flipped on the radio. The song, On Top of the World was playing. I never heard it before...never even knew of Karen Carpenter. But her voice...her words sparked something in me. Those words slipped inside my heart...gave me hope....hope that things would and could change. Hope to hold on....to keep fighting....and to not give in to the darkness.
Karen's song gave me hope....yet she, herself, fell victim to the dance of addiction....She died from complications of an eating disorder. I wish she hadn't.....I wish she could have grasped onto the same hope that she had given me.
Hope.....what makes one person hold on and another give up? I'm not sure but one thing I want to do more than anything.....is to give back...and shine hope. I remember being squeezed by hopelessness....choked by the believe that I had no right to exist.....feeling completely alone....wanting to give up....unable to see a viable way of climbing out of the pain. My life has changed....gotten better....in ways I could never have imagined.
Now I want my words...my life....what I've overcome to instill hope and courage to someone else fighting alone....wondering if things will ever change. Something I learned....courage doesn't always look brave and strong.....Sometimes it looks scared....wobbly....and I learned also the darkness eventually loses steam....it dies out.....It doesn't last forever.
Sometimes I wonder now....if what I lived and overcame wasn't just about me; that maybe it's about showing hope to someone else lost in the darkness, helping them know they too can win their fight. If I could beat the odds, anybody can.