Writing to Connect

‎"Write only if you cannot live without writing. Write only what you alone can write."  Elie Wiesel

 

Yesterday at work...I sat in a meeting...feeling uncomfortable....knowing I had to talk....in front of all those people.  I felt that old familar sick feeling in the pit of my stomach....and a far away feeling....fighting hard to stay present. All I wanted was to run....leave.....hide....   

I think it's because I'm writing another story......based on things that really happened. Things that made me afraid. Things that hurt. Things I've wanted to forget. But can't. And I've been talking to others.....who tell me simialiar stories.....women who have never forgotten the brutality of the mental health system that was supposed to help them....a system that stripped them of their dignity and made them live in fear.

A part of me needs to write....to tell.....to have my voice and to give a voice to others who want their stories told but don't know how to do it.  

 

I want to be heard. I want to be known.... the real me...not just what people see....the strong, friendly, outgoing social me....but that part that so often needs to hide....and that's afraid....

 

When I'm alone....lost in my writing....I feel free....and connected. I can let my heart speak of things I've never been able to say.....things that still play in my head.....that remind me of when I lived with no hope. I know those things made me strong....made me a fighter.....gave me a determination to push back and never give up.

Writing gives me a release....a sense of purpose. Connecting with others who share similiar stories...I want to write the truth.....for them....for me.....I want to be a voice....