Saturday, January 23, 2010

Hope


"I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation of confusion, misery and death... I think... peace and tranquillity will return again." Anne Frank

Faith, hope....the ingrediants to live....to survive...to move forward. I wonder why some are able to do this....and others are not. I woke up this morning...remembering a close friend who couldn't fight the darkness anymore, who let go and gave in to it. She overdosed....ended her life. And others I know live on pills....tranqualizers...popping them like candy....not wanting to think....living in a state of numb.

I don't know how I came to have hope....hope that things will work out....Maybe because I still remember when He touched me....when nothing else worked. It was instant. Lying in a hospital bed under oxygen - I felt His touch.... I sensed chains falling off. I've never touched any chemical since.  I had been shooting up three and four times a day for 14 years....since I was twelve. In an instant - one touch - freed. 

I still couldn't stop throwing up or cutting, but the drug addiction...the needle - gone. Without the drugs....I wasn't so sick....but I was afraid my heart would stop from the eating disorder. I was dizzy all the time....and cold even on the hottest summer days and my legs hurt with terrible muscle spasms. I wanted Him to take it away instantly like He did the drugs....but it didn't work that way. I had to fight...to struggle...I wanted to give up....to let go...to let the addiction have its way.  I got mad at Him....really mad...and I got mad at me...I ripped my arms until they bled. I didn't know what else to do with the building frustration.

He waited. I didn't want to face what happened. I blamed myself....The anger and self-loathing and hatred made me lash out in ways that nearly killed me. He waited.  Another friend died. Lost her battle...gave in....gave up....Still He waited.  
Hope - without it there's nothing to hang onto.

26 comments:

Andrea said...

AMEN..HIS hope brought you out of darkness and into the light..one step at a time.
Blessings, hugs, and prayers,
andrea

Finding Pam said...

Thank you for sharing your incredible story. Like you I have hope. I know it comes from Him.

I wrote today about my past, it is difficult, but sometimes I need to write about it to heal.

I know that God has a plan for you.
Good knew about your book sales.

Just Be Real said...

(((((Sarah))))
You are such an inspiration!
God is using you, you have no idea!

Grace said...

Hope...faith...
I'm struggling now. So much of me wants to give up. But I won't.

Finally Free said...

Sarah,
Thank you for posting on hope today...I really needed to hear how God touched you.
I never get tired of hearing your story. You are a miracle walking.
I am blessed to know you.

Blessings and Hugs to you,
Tammy

Mary said...

Amazing grace!!

Denise said...

You make my heart soar, thank you.

Lily said...

His hope gave you faith and proof that you are worth everything to Him. Just as kids are to their parents, the lesson is learned more with the struggle than if it is done for you. Just like everyone else who is battling for hope, they will find it in Him. Thank you for the reminder!!

Deborah said...

Hope, I totally agree with you, without it, there's nothing to hang onto..thank you for sharing. I know a girl is cuts and is still battling with cutting. But I know she has hope for tomorrow.
Thank you for sharing this with us.

Journal of Healing said...

I so appreciate your honesty. Thank you, Sarah. I really have enjoyed your comments on my page. I changed my link for further privacy, and wanted to pass it your way. http://asafeplacetomelt.blogspot.com/

blessings.

S. Etole said...

keep fighting that good fight ...

Being Me said...

Sometimes Hope is all we have and it's the only thing that we cling to.. so we don't loose our way.

BM

Susan Deborah said...

Hope is what keeps the human spirit glowing. I am glad that you shared this with us.

Take good care. Have a good week ahead.

Hope, joy and courage always,
Susan

Madison said...

God had His Hand on your life. You never know where He's taking you. Up, out, over and to a place of healing. I'm looking forward to reading what you're up to for the next ten years. Then, the next. Bless you, Sarah.

RCUBEs said...

Without His hope, there is just nothing to look forward to anymore. I'm glad you were healed by His touch and took you away from those destructive substances. The withdrawal symptoms are more painful but when He strengthens you, you will overcome. Thank you for sharing your heart. May God continue to empower you in everything that you do. God bless sister. You continue to encourage many...like me:)

Zan said...

Hope is everything. It's the glue that keeps you together.
You're a true inspiration.

xx

Margie said...

Dear Sarah
You are truly an inspiration!
You have been through so much and I am amazed at all the courage and strength you have!

May God's blessings shine on you each and every day!

Journal of Healing said...

http://asafeplacetomelt.blogspot.com/


it's the new link to Journal of healing...but i got the comment you left. if having problems, maybe click on my pic above this comment and enter it that way. just erase the old link from blogs you follow and add this one. blessings!

Beth said...

Wow. Yeah, without hope we're dead. I'm thanking God you've hung onto yours.

Just_because_today said...

I was angry at God once, very angry. I felt the same,that He waited and I'm glad for I found hope again

Deborah Ann said...

You have come a long way, Sarah. Be sure of this: God will finish the work He started in you!

Colleen said...

I have been there when hope was all I had. God is good. Thanks

Dean Corso said...

Thanks for your warm words.
It's amazing how you survived your past and of course the past formed a part of who you are today.
I just want you to know, besides God's will it was YOU who kept you safe.

Debra said...

I've enjoyed visiting your blog this morning for the first time. I'm so thankful we serve a God who gives us hope. Blessings

Terri Tiffany said...

Amen! Without hope, there is no life. Glad you are blogging about some serious needy topics that so many of us can relate to:)
PS-- got called for my third visit today about this job. Pray it goes well:)

Roxy said...

Very well said, such an inspirational post! Without hope, there's nothing to hang onto... so true. You are such an inspiration to others, your honesty, courage... keep on writing dear friend!