Friday, January 1, 2010

Sisters


"A sister is both your mirror and your opposite." Elizabeth Fishel   



My sister and I were separated since we were kids. Our parents tried to turn us against each other and keep us apart. It worked. We lived our lives in different worlds...not knowing each other...not trusting the other.....
But the sister bond between us brought us together - strong and tight...in spite of what they did to keep us apart.

The two of us are different - I'm the youngest...a thinker - practical - cautious trusting people. My sister runs on her emotions...She cracks me up with her crazy adventures that always end in a cry for help. Impusive with money, she buys whatever she wants....never looks at prices. Me? I don't spend....I wait...I can't make up my mind. I never know what I want....what I like....I calculate the cost and often talk myself out of buying something. I'm physical...a runner...restless...always moving. She's a couch potato. As a kid...living with chaoes and abuse....she reached out to others....found support...found safe places to fall. I pulled inside myself...trying hard to be invisible.

But there are similiarities. She too believed she had no right to exist. And she hurt herself. Not like me....in different ways. She became addicted to food. Eating became her comfort. People didn't notice her pain. Overeating and weight issues were more acceptable than shooting dope...than throwing up...than looking emaciated....She laughed on the outside...hurt on the inside. And she recently told me she took burning hot showers that sounds similiar to my cutting myself. 

I never believed what happened in our house was bad. I didn't think it was a big deal. I acutally thought it was normal...that something was wrong with me for all the beatings and name calling. But my sister forced me to look at the truth.....forced me to see the impact it had.

Connecting with her has helped me heal...espeically from some of the shame. She knew the truth. I guessed at it. She confirmed what was in my head....I thought I had made it up. 

Recently she's been telling me she's sorry...sorry for not being there to help me...sorry for leaving me with him...for watching me fall so far down with no one to help.  She tells me I'm a miracle....her inspiration. I think she is too. 












21 comments:

Andrea said...

Sarah,
It is as if you wrote my story...I am the one who struggles with over eating to this day. I never think I am good enough, etc. I appear happy, but on the inside there is deep pain. GOD has brought me a LONG WAY in my journey, but I still struggle. I am truly a work in progress.
Blessings, hugs, and prayers,
andrea

Wanda's Wings said...

My sister too help me realize the abuse was not dreams but were bad memories. She struggles with alcohol and food. She helps me now and I am thankful for my sister.

Terri Tiffany said...

This is beautiful. I wish you would share more. the writer and counselor in me wants to hear about your reunion and how you were separated:)

Just Be Real said...

Sweet Sarah, I always wished I had a sister.....

What a beautiful story despite the pain. It is wonderful how God had you reconnect with your sister and how she has helped you in your healing process. How she confirmed what you only guessed!

I see similarities with you two and me. Although I am not an impulsive buyer, I do not care how much the item is, I will buy it if I need it or want it. I eat way too much if I am unhappy. Then I am as analytical as you, and very cautious also in trusting people. Love doing sports.

It is neat that you both consider each other a miracle and inspiration!

Such an encouragement to see the growth in you!

Much hugs to you dear one, and thank you for always being transparent.

Mike Golch said...

Sarah,I hopr that you are hiving a gr8 day.I hope that you have a Blessed New Year,that's my story and i'm sticking to it!

Gaia said...

Yes Sarah your sister is right you are an inspiration. She's a lovely sis to have, I wish I had siblings who cares. I have a brother who treats my parents and I like we do not exist. But it's ok, we have each other plus my boy and that's important. Treasure your loved ones, they will help mend your hearts little by little. Hugs

Epiphany said...

I think I might need to read your sister's book too.

Deb said...

How like God to bring your sister and you together in spite of the hurt and the pain of your growing up years.

To use her in your healing process.

And to use you in hers.

Hope that both of you have God's peace and protection and perspective this coming year.

Sweet dreams.

Lisa Marie said...

As the big sister, I feel like I owe an apology to my little sister for not saving her from her abuse or helping her when she needed it. It's a tough thing to think about when you know that it wasn't possible for you to do as a kid, and even as an adult, harder to do because of how we learned to cope. Accepting help became near impossible for her because of how she dealt with her abuse. I'm so glad that you and your sister are recreating that bond that was taken from you.

Madison said...

There is nothing better than a sister to me. My sister is the one and only person who can look back with me and talk about everything. She reminds me. I remind her. We help each other to look forward too. I'm so glad you have one!

Karen said...

Sweet post...sisters are truly special...especially after reuniting....

Mary said...

I am glad you have her.
I am glad she has you!

Paula said...

I am the youngest of mayn and no one expereinced what I did - considering if there wasnt physical abuse there was NO abuse at all. My statement that sexual abuse doesnt happen in a stable functional family got pushed away. I had a hard time to accept that for my siblings I am an unfortunate outsider and they lived in a happy family (sigh)however I can relate ever so much that I thought the way I was treated was normal. I felt insecure visiting friends which I had at least for a while - insecure because the athmosphere was so different. The warm, calm and cheerful togetherness in families made me insecure and highly confused. I am gald I am permitted to travel your road with you.

Roxy said...

It's good that as adults, you and your sister reconnected. My sister and I were somewhat distant through the years... she being the "wild one" for years and years while I was the "good little mommy", or so that is how she felt. Our relationship is better as well, and I am happy to have her companionship and her love.

Happy New Year, Sarah.. God bless!!!

Pet said...

Blessings and Happy New Year

Being Me said...

It is a blessing indeed, God ensures we are never alone in suffering. Thank you for your visits. they are comforting.
Happy New Year Sarah, may you have a peace-filled 2010.

BM

Colleen said...

Great post. I have a sister. I was the oldest. I have often felt guilty that I didn't stop the abuse. I did nor know she was being abused and I was just a kid, but i still feel guilty sometimes. My sister does not blame me. And she confirms for me what happened. And we support each other the best we can. I may need to post about this! Thanks and blessings.
Happy New Year!

Yet said...

What a beautiful speech. I don't know what prompted it but I really am interested in reading more!

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

I am sorry to hear about the disconnect between you and your sister. My parents tried to do that, too, but it did not work, perhaps because there were so many of us. The 8-pack was, well, the 8-pack. We knew we belonged together.

I have so enjoyed getting to know you this year, and I am so proud of the progress you have made on so many fronts. Thank you for letting me a small part of your life. (I did get your note re Gentle Recovery and will get to it really soon.)

Much love and the best wishes for a wonderful 2010!

Patricia Singleton said...

I am the oldest sister. Today my sister and I are closer than we have ever been. Thanks for sharing your story.

Wylie said...

God is so good. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your heart!
Wylie