"A mother's love liberates." Maya Angelou
I said good-nite to my 14 year old, closed the lights and turned to leave.
"I love you Ma....I love you alot..."
Hearing her words....made me want to cry. Earlier I had been thinking....my kids need a better mom....a mom who'se freer.....who'se not got so many fears... who knows how to cook....who decorates with flair.....and goes on all the school trips....
I wondered if my kids would be better off in a different kind of home...a home where there would be grandparents....and extended family that loved them...where their mom didn't have to retreat sometimes and hide in the dark....in her writing.....or even in the woods.
That night and the whole next day.... my daughter's words played in my head. When I thought of them...tears welled in my eyes. I felt like a suck....a whimp....Me - the fighter....who lived wild....daring....out of control...on life's edge..
I love my girls. I really love them. I've wanted to be to them what no one was to me. I tell them all the time I'm proud of them...that they're the best...and the best that's ever happened to me. I tell them no matter what they do....or what they believe....or what they think...I'll always be there in their corner....and love them.
I tell them they're perfect just the way they are....they don't need to change or twist themselves into being anyone other than themselves....and I tell them they can reach for the stars....whatever stars they want and they can make their dreams come true.. And I tell them everyday they shine.
We're pretty tight. We talk about everything.....and hang out a lot together.
I think the tears aren't about my teen telling me she loves me....I think maybe it's because they're His way of showing me He loved me enough to give me these two awesome kids......for me to give them what I never got....to love them in ways I never was by my parents. I think it's Him showing me redemption.... for everything I lived...the years on the street....fighting to survive all the pain.....
My tears are because my kids and their love for me is an experession of His love to me...He loved me enough to give us to each other...Redemption for all that pain and hard stuff...