Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Empty Spaces



"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated."  ~Lamartine

A friend called....needed to talk. Her son is moving...three hours away....to live with his dad. She can't imagine not seeing him everyday. She couldn't stop crying...thinking about how much she's going to miss his presence.

Last week, a co-worker pulled me aside. Crying....she told me her son's best friend drowned last weekend..on a camping trip. She had known him since he was little. ...he was like a second son. The  thought of never seeing him again made her ill.....

Recently...I closed the door on a 'friend'...the relationship had become strained...hurtful. 

Letting go....saying good-bye...doors closing....

It's hard when a 'person' leaves....goes away....moves....there's an emptiness left....a space that needs to be filled with something or someone to take that place.  And memories of what was are hard to let go of.

Saying good-bye....letting go....changes...has always been difficult for me. There have been so many changes....so many losses that whenever there's another one....I cringe inside. And the loss triggers a fear... and a crazy need to hold on....to not let go...to not give up even though everything in me knows...I have to. 

The only alternative - hardening my heart....keeping it so guarded that I don't let anyone get close again? Running in the woods.....hearing His gentle whisper....I know...that's not an option. 

I think we're meant to be loved....meant to take a risk....even if taking that risk ends up hurting us in some way. And the people who stay..who are always in my corner.....remind me taking the risk is always worth it.


30 comments:

A girl needs 2 Talk said...

I hear you. I think I know that feeling too. I'm really really sorry about the emptiness. You give me hope and make me feel like I don't need to harden. Staying close. Hugs. :)

Crown of Beauty said...

Your words are so real, Nikki. I have been dealing with empty spaces in my life too...know what you are talking about, the loss, the pain.

There's good in feeling the loss, I have embraced hope like never before.

In saying goodbye to a friendship that was not healthy anymore, I also did that recently. It helped feel a freedom I did not have before in that relationship.

Empty spaces are painful...no doubt, but as you wrote so beautifully, we learn from them...help us grow up.

I do love your posts, always. Wish I could meet you face to face, or at least talk. Maybe someday. I'll pray for this possibility.

Love
Lidj

Wonderingsoul said...

Dear Sarah,

I came here to thank you for your comment on my blade post.

I wish I could tell you how it feels to be heard by someone who has been there and hasn't been killed by it.
I wanted to cry when I read your words.

What you've written here is amazing too.

I hate it to admit that I know you are right... I want to keep my heart hard. I'm so frightened of more pain.
And yet, you ARE right.
I just wish I had the excuse of not knowing it cos it makes it all the worse when I stay hardened.

Thank you for always being in my corner.
Hard to accept that you never seem disgusted.

WS xxx

Terri Tiffany said...

I've been there before and tend to run there myself quite often because it doesn't hurt as bad--or so I think--but I also don't gain or experience life how it should be either then.

MTJ said...

Hi Sarah,

I think some people come into my life for a season, while others remain much longer, still others are indefinite. There is a sense of loss when someone is no longer a part of my life.

One lesson I've learned is that I can't put a price on friendship. Those who accept the flawed man that I am, yet have the confidence to tell me when I'm blowing it are precious to me.

I want my friends to have that kind of relationship with me; holding me accountable. They know I won't pull any punches with them either; what I say will be truth, seasoned with grace and love.

Blessings and peace.

MTJ

Chatty Crone said...

I know just what you mean - when you let go - you do it - then right away you wonder if you should have done it or if you should change your mind real fast.

Letting go hurts - no matter who or how it's done.

Sandie

NOS said...

You are very wise-- we need to risk some hurt if we want to love and be loved. That can be extremely scary, however.

I'm sorry to hear about your friends' hardships and your ended friendship. But with the latter I think you made a healthy decision.

Wishing you well,
NOS

mya said...

We see only the present and the very near future. It is hard for us to think beyond and impossible to experience it.

If we could just back off, and view things from a different perspective, we would see that life here is so short and compared to the life on the other side is just a blip in time. But we do not know that place called heaven, and we only judge from what we know first hand, and in our time frame. All will be fine and life will be wonderful.

Life is change, and with that comes change; change that brings a cloak of sadness that we feel will almost suffocate us, sorrow that we allow ourselves to waller in it, only causing us more pain; but it also brings new friends, new experiences, and also a time for good memories.

love the picture of the dandelions

RCUBEs said...

Why is it hard to always say goodbye? But I think sometimes it's also necessary to do so. To me, despite the sadness, everything seems to be like a practice...for us to learn how to endure and become a better person. To learn to love. To forgive...Because there is a bigger thing to come...Blessings to you sister.

Denise said...

Amen sis, amen.

Crown of Beauty said...

I'm back to tell you that I dedicated my latest post to you.

Love
Lidj

Foxglove Spires said...

This is so very true and amazingly I was talking about this with my sister today!
Amazing...

Have lovely day. xxx

Finding Pam said...

Hang in there. Letting go of someone is indeed hard, but it frees you to new possiblities.

Sarah, please let your heart trust and be open and not hardened.

Gentle Hugs to you.
Pam

Deborah Ann said...

I struggle with this same thing. Soo not wanting to take a chance. Why does it hurt so bad?

But...while I'm sure hiding in my cave seems like a good idea, I often wonder what I'm missing.

Maybe that's the ticket to moving forward? Wanting not to miss what God has planned....

Shelley said...

We were meant to take risks in life, or else, we can miss out on some pretty great stuff... like true friendships. Great post! :)

Karen said...

Amen...love is always worth the risk...

Sharon Kirby said...

Sarah - What a poignant post. You captured perfectly the sadness of loss, and yet emphasized the necessity of taking a risk - we ARE meant to be loved.

I am reminded of the great RISK Jesus took for us when He died on the cross. There was no guarantee that we would love Him in return. Some people don't. But for those of us who take the risk, and yield our hearts to Him - Oh, the joy of knowing His Love first-hand!!

Thanks for sharing, and GOD BLESS!

Paula said...

I remember how often I cringed, or even to bid farewell because I couldnt deal with it. Lately I learned that I am able to do so now. Leeting go with respect and gratitude. Dont even know how it happenend. My heart is open and ready

Being Me said...

Life seems to be about balance, empty or filled but for each individual it doesn't always work out evenly. There's always a purpose to everything.

God Bless

Poetic chronicles said...

Right you are! There's much at stake in human relationships, much to lose, much to fear... But it is worth it! Giving up on someone/something because it might be lost would mean not enjoying any beautiful thing in life. Nothing lasts forever, but every worthwhile second holds eternity...
Valerie

Gaia said...

Because of we love ... we have to let go. Sounds contradictory doesn't it.

Aliene said...

I have been there. Was hurt by a life long friend. Or should say friends. I declared I would never get close to anyone again. But I was the loser. God dealt with me about it and helped me over the hump and now I am free to open my heart to new friends.

Kelly L said...

It's very hard to say goodbye to the ones we love... whether they are good for us or not... This is a wonderful and heartfelt post..

Love to you.
Kelly
I've Become My Mother

Marj aka Thriver said...

Wise words. Amazing insights and an amazing way of expressing them for use, Sarah. Thank you for sharing this.

Sheila Deeth said...

Very wise. Every bond includes the danger the bond will break. But no bonds means there's no one to stop you breaking, and no blessing in keeping others safe.

Julie Musil said...

Wow, you have an amazing, powerful, and inspirational blog.

Your post rings true...sometimes it's not easy to let go, even when we know it's the best thing we can do.

Mary said...

you are so right! it is a risk to love. we will be hurt when we love not doubt about it. but to not love, as you said, means we have to harden our heart, and that is not how we are meant to live...

grace and peace

A Gracious Home said...

A wonderful post and I agree with you. Doylene

A Gracious Home said...

A wonderful post and I agree with you. Doylene

Siobhan said...

Are you stalking me coz if you change the name to Siobhan then this is EXACTLY my story 2 lol