"Nothing good ever comes of violence." Martin Luther King, Jr.I never wanted to be like the people who hurt me. All the abuse....it gets into your system....into your blood......and into your head. It takes on a life of its own....and the battle....becomes a fierce fight to break free.
The hardest thing I had to overcome - that overpowering urge to lash out...to strike back....to quiet the wild rage that became a part of me. Violence had left it's mark.....and demanded to be released.
I didn't want to hurt anyone like I had been hurt...so I turned on myself...with drugs...and cutting and throwing up.
Violence - an energy I couldn't tame.
Violence - I lived and breathed what others did to me.
Violence - it lived inside in terrifying nightmares... that made me afraid to go to sleep or close the lights or even close my eyes.
Violence - I thought the people who hurt me were strong....powerful...in control.
But I learned the truth.....they were never the strong ones. It's those who turn the other cheek...who walk away....who don't fight back...who extend their hand instead of raising and clenching their fist....they're the ones who are really strong...and powerful....and in control.
Sometimes I still see violent images in my head..usually when I'm tired....but now....I go running...or get lost in writing....or go into the woods to feel the touch of the power of His gentleness. The touch that made all the difference in my world....that taught me true strength...and that true power has nothing to do with cruelty or meanness. Instead....it's kind...peaceful...believes the best..and always forgives...