"I'll never say never. I'll fight till forever. I never thought I could feel this power. I never thought I could feel this free" Justin Beiber
When things had gotten so bad in my life I somehow managed to grasp onto hope. Hope gave me the power to hold on...to not let go.....to not give up.
Hope pushed back despair...It made me believe there could be freedom from the dance with darkness. Hope became a lifeline....an anchor....
But what really made the biggest difference....was when I somehow slipped from hope into faith. With hope I wished things would change. But once I had faith, I knew they would. I'm not sure how I even moved from one to the other. All I know is I needed hope.....and then I needed faith. Faith gave me the courage and power to fight back. It enabled me to clench my fists.....grit my teeth and apply all my energy to getting out of the cycle of shame that had taken over my life.
It was like being in a tornado.....the fight to get out was tough. I remember days when I was so tired from trying to stop the downward pull from sucking me deeper into that black hole. But I wouldn't stop fighting. I shut my ears to people who said, you can't...you won't.....not possible. I couldn't hear that. I wouldn't. Instead I focused on getting free. And looking back now....that road to freedom was hard....tough....long...scary. Very scary. Especially when friends died....gave up....gave in....couldn't hold on. Many times I wanted to close my eyes...go to sleep...and never wake up. I didn't want to think anymore....or feel the pain......but that fighter in me needed to fight...to beat this thing.
Faith became my strength. It helped me. But first.....I needed hope to believe that maybe the dance could change. Hope gave me that expectation......and faith was the force that pushed me to the winner's line.
I learned it can get even darker before the Light begins to shine through....but once that Light gets in.....it begins to work its magic pushing back every bit of blackness....inch by inch until all that's left is Light....