Sunday, May 15, 2011

Fighting Tools



"I'll never say never.  I'll fight till forever.  I never thought I could feel this power. I never thought I could feel this free" Justin Beiber

When things had gotten so bad in my life I somehow managed to grasp onto hope. Hope gave me the power to hold on...to not let go.....to not give up. 

Hope pushed back despair...It made me believe there could be freedom from the dance with darkness.  Hope became a lifeline....an anchor....

But what really made the biggest difference....was when I somehow slipped from hope into faith.  With hope I wished things would change. But once I had faith, I knew they would. I'm not sure how I even moved from one to the other. All I know is I needed hope.....and then I needed faith. Faith gave me the courage and power to fight back.  It enabled me to clench my fists.....grit my teeth and apply all my energy to getting out of the cycle of shame that had taken over my life. 

It was like being in a tornado.....the fight to get out was tough. I remember days when I was so tired from trying to stop the downward pull from sucking me deeper into that black hole. But I wouldn't stop fighting. I shut my ears to people who said,  you can't...you won't.....not possible. I couldn't hear that. I wouldn't. Instead I focused  on getting free. And looking back now....that road to freedom was hard....tough....long...scary. Very scary. Especially when friends died....gave up....gave in....couldn't hold on.  Many times I wanted to close my eyes...go to sleep...and never wake up. I didn't want to think anymore....or feel the pain......but  that fighter in me needed to fight...to beat this thing. 

Faith became my strength. It helped me. But first.....I needed hope to believe that maybe the dance could change. Hope gave me that expectation......and faith was the force that pushed me to the winner's line. 

I learned it can get even darker before the Light begins to shine through....but once that Light gets in.....it begins to work its magic pushing back every bit of blackness....inch by inch until all that's left is Light....

21 comments:

Paula said...

If you go through hell, keep going, there will be light.
Love from my heart to yours. Paula

NOS said...

That's an interesting distinction between faith and hope. Would you say for you that "faith" meant "faith in god?" Or was it a different kind of faith?

Wishing you well,
NOS

Shanda said...

This was incredibly well written as you grabbed me and held me until the end, held my attention like glue. And I was ready to sign off! I, too, am trying to distinguish faith from hope. However I am rejoicing with you that you let the Light shine in.

Deborah said...

That was a beautiful post. The road to freedom is very scary. I say that all the time.
Thanks for visiting today!
xxoo
Deborah

Vilisi@islandmusings said...

Hope - a lifeline !

The Blog Writer said...

You are magical to me, Nikki. You speak to my heart and I cry each time- not out of sadness, but because you show me life. I owe something huge to you, Nikki. Someday, in some way, I'll make up for it. I love you! Please know that you are special.

Chatty Crone said...

This was very inspiring to me today. Thank you.

Susan J. Reinhardt said...

Hi Sarah -

Hope and faith are go togethers. Scripture tells us that faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hope in the original language is more than mere wishing. It is a firm expectation.

I'm glad you found hope and eventually faith.

Blessings,
Susan :)

Deborah Ann said...

Faith is a beautiful thing. It has carried me through life's darkest storms. Hey, thanks for your vote! So sweet of you...

Terri Tiffany said...

I am sort of there now--needing some more hope in my life. I trust that God is in charge but the pain of waiting for some change is difficult some days. Thank you for your encouraging words as always!!

Lady Rose said...

Sarah,

Having hope and faith during the trying times of our lives is a difficult thing . . . thank you for these encouraging words. I needed to hear them today.

-L. Rose

Sharon said...

Oh yes, amen!

Faith is the assurance of the things we hope for - and in your case, faith became the hope of God realized. What a precious God He is - He never let go of you. He gave you those life-saving glimmers of hope - until they burst forth in rays of faith!

You continue to be such an inspiration to me.

GOD BLESS!

Marj aka Thriver said...

Another uplifting post. Thanks for sharing it with us, Sarah.

Hey! Look at me! I'm actually spending a little time this week in the blogosphere. I miss you guys--my bloggy buddies--so I thought I'd stop in and say hello. xoxoxo

Karen said...

"what really made the biggest difference....was when I somehow slipped from hope into faith."

I love how you described this journey...and I am encouraged again as I leave your blog....

Lori Laws said...

Amen! I know EXACTLY how that feels to get sucked down deeper and deeper. It was so dark and hopeless, but when that light came in, it spread like wildfire! Glory to God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Crown of Beauty said...

This post is so beautiful, Nikki. The way you describe your journey just touches me at the core of my being. I can never imagine the pain, the fear, the darkness - and so when you write what hope did for you, I feel like dancing with you. Somehow, I can never fully understand where the line is between faith and hope. Like you, I don't know when my hope turned to faith. The two work hand in hand... and many other beautiful things come in when hope is present.

Just a tiny ray of hope pushes back the lies and the darkness, isn't that amazing?

Faith and hope are partners - then you begin believing in yourself again, and in the goodness of life... even the beauty of the past, no matter how ugly it may have been. There are glimmers of beauty in the pain.

I really loved this post Nikki. How glad I am that our paths crossed, let me just say it again.

I'm with you... praying for you often.

Love
Lidj

Patti Hanan said...

This is so beautifully written. Hope leads to faith, and faith sees us through to the finish line. I love reading about your journey :)

Being Me said...

Hope is eternal but Hope doesn't always hold you up. It needs to go hand in hand with a strong spirit. Your last paragraph is where I'm at I think, little tiny dots of light are beginning to prevail.

Your words are inspiration always.

Be well, friend.

Sheila Deeth said...

I like that distinction between hope and faith.

Starry Dawn said...

Hi Sarah,
It is a very suitable title for this interesting topic and thought provoking issue, fighting tools.
Faith and hope become your strength. It also helped me to think in that way. Do not forget the Shield of God and helmet for protection, the whole Armour of God to wear and to be ready for battle. Thank you, sweet Sarah for sharing your wisdom with the world!! You've got an amazing blog in here. I am glad to have found you and joined your blog, Sarah.
God bless you always!! You shine!!
Blessings,
Poet Starry.

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