For those of you who've read my book or follow me on twitter and facebook, you know my real name isn't Sarah.
It's time to come clean...to own my name. When I started this blog...I needed the anonymity...a way to write without anyone knowing who I was. But now...it's okay to own my name..
Rape and abuse do terrible things to people...it makes them move in the world in shame and fear. It makes them believe they're wrong and bad and damaged. It causes them to believe they're different and unworthy. At least that's what it did for me. Shame crippled me. It made me believe I was worthless....and being seen terrified me. To be seen meant to be hurt again and again and again. I'm not afraid anymore. In speaking out...in speaking up.....so much of that shame has gone.
My real name is Nikki. The meaning of my name is 'overcomer.....victorious.' And in Him....I am an overcomer. I am victorious. I kicked a 14 year drug habit, a serious eating disorder, self-injury - all which stemmed from being physically and emotionally abused as a child and later kidnapped and raped. I learned to fight on the streets and I'm still that fighter except....I used to fight to survive.....now I'm fighting to help others find freedom too....to know if I can make it out of the darkness.....anyone can.
I was told I could have a marginal life with professional intervention. I beat those odds. I did it with His help. My dgt. made a trailer of my book....to listen to it...you have to turn off the playlist on the sidebar.
I am determined to use what I lived.....
20 comments:
Nice to meet you...
I must say I don't care about names. But it's nice to know yours, of course.
Mine means Sweet, and that's my name... In the last twenty years I've been trying to be the one I mean through this name of mine. But life gets bitter and more bitter at times... I 've got a goal.
You've gotten yours for sure.
hugs dear Sarah
;-)
Hi Nikki! I didn't know Sarah wasn't your real name, but it's really nice to know that it's Nikki. You have nothing to be ashamed of-- you've been through hell and you've come out the other side. You are flourishing.
Wishing you well,
NOS
I am having so many troubles with blogger I want to give up - however I'm no quitter either.
Telling everyone your name - is a huge step - it is owning who you really are - that is huge and congrats Nikki.
Let's see if this will post = chatty crone - sandie
Congratulations, Nikki, on coming out as yourself...I have been glad to discover your blog.
As a survivor, I changed my name legally. I was born "Katherine", which means "pure", but I had flashbacks when people would call my name. I would see my mother beating me especially when someone would cry out, "Hey, Kathy!" So I changed my name to "Olivia" which means peace, and which is what I've found since I've kept a precious estrangement from my family.
Peace be with you, Olivia
Somehow, when you visited my blog the first time and left a comment on one of my posts probably over a year ago, I clicked back on your name which led me to your blogs and website. That was when I found out Sarah was just a pseudonym for Nikki... And I loved calling you Nikki even then...
What a brave step to come out in the open, out of hiding so to speak... coming into the light breaks the powers of darkness over our lives. I believe it was when you finally decided to write your story and reveal your identity that the enemy lost his grip over you.
I love the video trailer. It is so well made, and of course your words leave an impact because they come a place in your heart that is committed to speaking the TRUTH!
And Nikki, really, I long for the day when I can meet you face to face and hug you, and thank you for the impact you have made on my life and on those of countless others.
Keep shining...
Love
Lidj
Nikki - What an honor to know your actual, beautiful name! I applaud you for your courage - you truly are an overcomer, a victorious soul!
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with the world - I hope that you have a sense of the tremendous impact you have had on others. Even those of us who didn't suffer abuse, have been inspired in our faith battles to be strong.
Thank you, Nikki - and GOD BLESS!
Hi Nikki...your name is beautiful, you are beautiful!
I loved reading this post...another step on your incredible journey.
And I loved listening to the trailer...is that your precious voice? I love that God gave you and your sister such a "picture" in those flowers.
Grace, Peace and love to you!
Ah Nikki, my amazing, beautiful and courageous Canadian friend, and sister in Christ. What another amazing step you've taken! I will continue to learn from you, and hopefully grow as much as you. xxxx
Sue
Sooo happy I don't have to make sure I didn't write sister "Nikki" every time I leave a comment...That's not really important. What matters is your story needs to be heard by those needing encouragement, finding hope, blossoming like those 2 flowers and yes, anything is a possibility when we are standing on the Rock. God bless and that's an awesome video sister!
Wonderful trailer!! I am so glad you are sharing your name finally. SO freeing, huh?
Thank you for your support and kind words on my blog:) Much needed!
Nikki, you'll always remember that knowing you makes me a better person, won't you? The tears don't seem to be finding words, today. This, I can say- I love you for ALL that you are to me!
xoxo
Just finished watching the video, finally. Beautifully created. :) You survived. I'm glad you two did. You give me hope.
Nikki,
The short testimony that you have shared in this trailer today has touched my heart.
-L. Rose
Nikki, Sarah...it doesn't matter. You know who you are. It is a wonderful thing what you have accomplished, what you can give, what you are willing to give. Blessings.
Nikki, you ARE a survivor, and you've overcome so much. And now you're helping others with your beautiful words. Your book trailer was amazing.
well hello,our Nikki!
its nice to meet YOU!
time to get to know you in a new begining,what a great adveture.
Hi Sarah or Nikki, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you have a testimony. A great testimony. You've experienced the backlash of hell, but made it through with the help of our Savior! Keep on telling your story - "What I tell you now in the darkness, shout abroad when daybreak comes. What I whisper in your ear, shout from the rooftop for all to hear!” Matthew 10: 27
Blessings to you. You are highly favored!
Hi Nikki,
So happy to see what God is doing in your life. Overcomer fits so well. His light is shining so bright through you.
:)
Blessings and hugs,
Tammy
Nikki, I admire your bravery in overcoming your past and I praise God because He is our Healer and enables us to overcome.
After I read a few of the posts on your site now, and I truly love your style of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website list and will be checking back soon
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